Journey of My LiFe

Excitement... kicks in.... :D

2009-07-11T23:55:00.003+12:00

I guess everybody go through bad days, huh? But sometimes i'm not sure anymore if that's the real caused of SHITTY behavior. Sometimes maybe it's caused by some other reasons?

Anyway.. FUCK! I ain't bothered.

I have photo viewing tomorrow. I can't wait to see what the photos are like. We suppose to view them last week but Bryan the 'photo editor guy' couldn't make it because his wife was induced in hospital. Oh.. how cool! ;)
Tomorrow would be the day. :)

Plan is to go to church 11am, then meet up with mumdad and auntsuncle at Fu Quang San temple to eat vegetarian meal (they're SOOO GOOD!!!! Meat-like vegetable. Weird but YUMMMM). After lunch, don't know what mum has planned but wherever it is we're going, i don't care, as long as we can get to Southern Studio at 4.15PM i'd be happy.

We weren't going to do any indoor photo shoots in here, but we won this so why not. :) We do have to spend a bit of money still for the make up and printing cost, but hey it's okay. :)

After that we're gonna eat at HUNAN restaurant @ D Rd with Anne and Domi (maybe with Lisa and Tama? Not sure Anne's plan).

Then monday WILL come weather we like it or not. Another 8 hours full day of work. So will tuesday be. BUT after those 2 days...... YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!! I can't wait!! HOLIDAYYYY!!!! I'm gonna wake up soo late... and sort my shit out, book a doctor to get jabs before we go back Indo and eat those dirty food and get diarrhea YUCK. And pack up luggage, clean up so that when we come back from holiday at least we're going to go home to a nice clean house instead of "SLAPPED back to reality" HAHAHA.

OHHHHHHH EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!

Few more sleeps away...

2009-07-08T19:22:00.003+12:00

Oh it's only a week away until that day when i could just wake up when i want to wake up!!! Gosh.. HOLIDAY!!!! 6 weeks!!! How exciting!!!!

Few days after that we're flying!! I've done my homework about Bandar Seri Begawan, the city we're going to spend 15 hours waiting for our plane to Jakarta at.
9.30AM is the arrival time and based on my research, the airport would have luggage locker that is based in the arrival level. Lets hope that this is true!!! I WILL NOT carry my hand luggage around while traveling!

So far, the places we're going to visit are:
1. The Royal Regalia Building
2. Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque
3. Yayasan Shopping Centre
4. Jerudong (not the amusement park coz i heard it's like ghost park there now)
5. Kampung Ayer

Now, i have no idea how to get to places yet other than knowing that we can catch bus from Airport to city centre and the places we're going to visit aren't that far from the city and each other. I wish i'm right.

I'm excited to see around.. and eat there. I heard food there are nice, lots of variety and CHEAP!

We have time to explore till 12PM that night before we have to go back to the airport to check in again to catch our flight to Jakarta.

We would arrive in Jakarta at 2am ish. SLEEPING TIME.... till afternoon.. then HUNT for suits, or any accessories we need for the photo shoot on thursday!
BUSY!!!

Can't wait to catch up with dear pepenk.. and herlyn.. also all other mates! Jass bar, food, relaxation, mall ARGHHHH.. I'm so excited!!!!!!!!

The new beginning.. Metamorphosis

2009-06-01T12:01:00.002+12:00

I've been so drawn for too long. Million of questions pop in my head, i tried to heal my wound.. Somebody said to me once "CRY.. till you can't CRY anymore.." Really? It has been too long that i forgot what it feels like to go through the day without tears... Everyday I asked God.. WHY? God WHY? I was angry.. I was sad.. I was hurt... I felt so confused.. these questions never stop popping.. they started to multiply.. 1 to 3 to 6 to 12 to 24 even 48 or more in a minute.. I tried so hard to find the answers through my human mind. I wanted to be responsible for my own mistake that i have done. And 1 day.. I fell hard into the ground.. I said "God, i can't take it anymore.. STOP.. please STOP the questions.. STOP the tears.." (I cried so much that I really did stop crying physically.. but my heart felt like it was popping... it felt like there was a waterfall.. sliced and cut me into pieces).
So that day i heard.. "Have you had enough?"
I just melted down... and thought.. "Jesus, what have i done to myself????" And suddenly in that moment when i PAUSED.. everything came to sense.

I didn't see that life's a choice. I didn't know that I even had the right to CHOOSE!!
There i met him.. I knew since the beginning that it wasn't right! He was a nice person BUT we're just different (TOO DIFFERENT) kind of person. I was given so many hints.. but stubborn me.. I tried to be the complete opposite than what my parents wanted me to be/do. It was MY OWN choice that i stayed there, I understood that, but i blamed God "WHY LET ME?". And now I know because there was a purpose for it. If i didn't stay with him, I wouldn't be who i am now. I was stupid, shy, scared of the world. Through him i learned how to stand up for myself and be brave when i don't need to fear anything. And the most important of WHY i had to go through that relationship was My lil' angel. She is the main purpose of WHY i had to go through that. If we didn't, she would never EXIST!
So i said.. "God i now understood that everybody make mistakes, and i forgive myself for doing that, for being stubborn and always try to get EVERYTHING MY WAY! So i now i also understood that YOU will not let it happen either if it wasn't meant to be! I made mistake, but through that mistake i learned, and the purpose of it all came to right."

Now.. the next stage.. Okay I'm now walking to the new part of life. My second chance to live in this world. I successfully unstrapped myself from the life i wasn't meant to be at. But what about her? Yes she has a purpose to live OF COURSE otherwise GOD will not even let her EXIST. Why let her suffer for what I have done? WHY HER?? This is the LARGEST WOUND i have to heal.. WHY GOD? I understood that i made mistake, i wouldn't change a thing because yes because of that i changed, but.. what about her?? She doesn't need to suffer for what i've done?? WHY HER??!!!! I was angry!!! I was sad!!!!

"God, i could bear the consequences myself!!! Missing her everyday feels beautiful. I know i love her that's why i miss her. When i need her, i bear it hard. It's consequence that i have to go through because of the mistake that i've done in my past. For being with him in the first place. So i could bear it. With understanding is even easier. But what about her??"

This one is tough. I asked everyday.. and everytime i pray to God and asked "God should i get the custody? Should i fight for it? Why do i feel wrong for doing that? Is it fear that makes me NOT want to fight for it? Or is it because there's another chapter of why GOD is letting this happen?"
Twice i asked that question, and when I went to church (different churches - different time of the year) twice the story of Abraham was told. I'm trying to hold on to her so much.. OF COURSE.. i love her! And God is saying to me.. "SHE COMES FROM ME! SHE EXIST BECAUSE OF ME!" I just said to God.. "Lord if you do need her to live her purpose of life, of course i have to trust You and let YOU take her to where she suppose to be. I should stop planning because ALL PLANS come from YOU".

Suddenly.. my heart comes to peace. It's like the wind stop blowing so hard.. the wave stop hitting me.. and i could see better..
End 2007 was time when God decided that it was a good time for me to stay inside my little cocoon. I fought it, i didn't want to be there but God said "YOU WILL THEN FLY". So i stayed.. and in that little cocoon He shaped me, taught me, and grew wings on me. I kept praying.. and ask God for wisdom... and understanding..

Now i'm a butterfly.. God let me see things from the air.. so i could see better. God's great!!! I know He's always gonna be there... and I love HIM.. and He loves me too!!!

"Thank you God for everything that you have done.. I couldn't always see it, but now i'm just gonna trust you...."

21.07.08

2008-07-21T18:06:00.002+12:00

It has been 2 months since i last see my flower. Wonder how she has been.....
I miss her sooo much.. Every now and then it flashes back that day she was born... that day i spent with her in the hospital.. just the two of uz.. getting to know each other.... That was beautiful. She is 1 that i CAN'T NOT love.. She's beautiful.. adorable.. and just lovable as herself individual....

Some nights I dream about having her in my arms for real.. she just points my nose or cheek or eye with her tiny finger.. I see her smile.. and hear her laugh... oh boy.. feels like a knife slicing into my heart every time i wake-up....

I wish this could be just a mistake of time.. a drawing i could just erase and re-draw... I wish i thought million times before i made that decision!!! I wish she is part of my life now.. not my past...

Oh boy... it's painful...

I asked in the past..
if the marriage was meant to be why i felt the way i felt.. and i found the answer for that..
if the marriage was meant to be.. why did i feel guilty for breaking up? God answered me for that too..

And the tough questions.. about my daughter.. the flower of my heart... yes.. i got the answer for these too..
i asked..
why a child with him??? He said to me.. because God wants him to have a child..
why through me??? because i once prayed that i would let God use me for whatever work he is doing.. and He knows i could.. I would..
She was a miracle.. I didn't suppose to do it, but i did. It shouldnt've happened, but it has. I'm fine.. the baby's fine.. she's a gift for his family...
what about me and my life??? Clearly answered.....
I'm not sick.. I suppose to appreciate it..
I've been given a new life.. I suppose to appreciate it..
I've been given the real meaning of LOVE... I suppose to appreciate it!!!!!

But i'm still hurt... i'm still in pain.. Why????
Help.....

Lord.. have mercy.....

It is unbearable....

...........................................

01.05.08

2008-05-01T07:18:00.002+12:00

GOD knows what happened exactly a year ago!!! My baby was born. Can't even spend time with her to myself today. But of course I understand I have no control over her anymore in whatsoever. At least I know I've done good job in bringing her into the world. She's healthy, beautiful. The others who REALLY want to take her just for the sake of having her.. go on.. HAVE HER.. I never ever lost her anyway. She's in my heart. FOREVER until I die.

I'm gonna move on...

For Aurel: I know you will look for mama 1 day. I'll be here... waiting... Everyday I'll be waiting.... I don't want to grief over you anymore.. Why would I grief if i never loose you in the first place? You're always in my heart. Why should i grief??
Just because you're not here with me physically doesn't mean you're not mine anymore. I don't have to have control over you to love you! I love you everyday anyway!!
You watch.. as I move on with my life.. I will include you as if you're here with me.... Live like there are 3 of us here.. If in the future you have sisters/brothers I will tell them all about you.. they will love you even if they haven't met you.
1 day Aurel... You will see apa yg mama udah pupuk sedikit demi sedikit buat kamu. Mama won't be there physically... but you're always in my heart!!!

Move... Move.. Movin' On........... I love you Aurelia Elizabeth...

AURELIA ELIZABETH

2008-01-15T01:46:00.000+13:00

Aurelia means golden
Elizabeth means consecrated to God

I can only open my heart.. and leave it up to Him......... follow the voice of truth... the central light of life............ the beginning of all......................

Aurel.. mama ga pernah tinggalin Aurel dari hati mama. Ga pernah stop sedetikpun sayang sama Aurel... ga pernah!!! Sejak di dalem perut mama.. sampe lahir.. sampe skarang... mama CINTA Aurel... sampe slamanyapun akan sama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ga akan pernah stop sayang Aurel!!!! :'( :'( :'(
Lebih baik liat Aurel utuh daripada 1/2. Mama liat dari jauh aja! I love u!

Aurelia......

2008-01-15T01:25:00.000+13:00

Aurelia...........

My baby...................... :(

My precious little baby...................... :'(

Mama will always love you dearly.......

Oh my baby love.....

Tonight I feel my heart screaming... how I miss my dearly Aurelia!!!! My sweet little baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LOVE, MY SOUL to give!!!! Sacrifice.. for whom I believe I failed to give my life to.
My baby love..... Aurelia Elizabeth!!!!! Sad to the bone!!!!

FORGIVE MAMA...... :'( ..... FORGIVE MAMA, BABY LOVE!!!! :'( FORGIVE MAMA!!!!! :'(

Ga Penting AbiS!!!

2007-12-03T13:06:00.001+13:00

Today.. I'm gonna write something stupid. :D

As I feel like I have no more problem anymore. Close the old chapter... and just write the ending of the book properly before I close it. :)

I woke up... 6.45am this morning? And then got ready to "work".
Got to work 7.50am.. Fed Ollie, bathed her, changed her, then went back to mom's.
10.15am we got to mom's, she has been sleeping since 10.45am and now it is 1PM. Good isn't it???
Gotta feed her soon.. and... then... bottle :)

Anyway... ga penting kan??? LOL ROFL!!!!!!!! WHURHWEURHWEURHEUWHUHRUWHERU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing!! I CAN laugh properly!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUERHUEHURE!!!! Feels so good when your heart, your mind, and your body - mouth etc LAUGH in the same time!!! Even what i just wrote sounded funny! HUEHRUEHRUHERUHEURHEUHRUEHUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Days of Hard Prayers......

2007-12-03T10:50:00.000+13:00

First night I prayed for my confusion of why I get anxious even though my heart's not empty anymore. And I go back to my eating disorder. I wanted to know why.
Open up bible randomly.. Psalm 24 was opened. I read 24 - 30? This is for my sins and my guilt that I've done. I've been forgiven!!! I've read it over and over and over and over again!!!!

Then the next night.. I wondered why I still felt the guilt.. felt like I haven't been forgiven.. I asked God to lead me through understanding His words. And i wanted Him to tell me that it was wrong to do what i did. That it is not OK. Flick the bible.. I read Ezekiel 16.. (This is NOT just coincidence I thought) I CRIEDDDDD so hard.. that all these times I haven't appreciated what God has given me!!! This is the way He talked to me to make me relise that it's not OK to do what i did. Psychologically I felt normal because i live around people who do this. But now i know it is NOT OK!!!! It hit me so bad.

Then I prayed.. so do i suppose to go back to my marriage? Why did i feel like i shouldn't? In the same time it's hard to let go because I've promised God in front of His 'altar suci' and I didn't wanna turn my back and walk away from Him. Though I feel like I don't belong here. I prayed and prayed.. flick the bible... (THIS MUST NOT BE JUST COINCIDENCE!!! IT'S SCARY!!! BUT I KNOW GOD HAS SPOKEN TO ME!!!!) it brought me to
Numbers 30:3 - "When a young woman still living in her father's house makes a vow to the Lord or obligates herself by a pledge and her father hears about her vow or pledge but says nothing to her then all her vows and every pledge by which she obligated herself will stand. But if her father forbids her when he hears about it, none of her vows or the pledges by which she obligated herself will stand; the Lord will release her because her father has forbidden her."
My parent!!! It's about my parent. My dad was the one came out to greet when I was asked to be married. And my father said.. "I won't give that blessing! But if she wanted to go on, I can't stop her". My parents weren't even in the wedding. AND.... NOWWWW.....I understand.

Then... I prayed that prayers again from Psalm to forgive me.. to take away the sins.. and now.. I don't feel heavy anymore now. God has forgiven me for the sins that I've made in the past when I was young, and released that promise I've made to Him that based on my instability.. and He has forgiven me and taught me a valuable lesson to NOT RUNAWAY.. Start things GOOD and End things GOOD. If it didn't start good.. If i was there because I didn't love myself.. nothing to loose.. at least I could end it good! And yea.. I'm doing it. I'm ending it good!!! Because I care about him.. and my daughter.. I can't keep lying to myself and them... I'm being honest and just trying to be who I AM now!
He's giving me another chance to live a good life!!!! I just have to relised everything I've done and forgive myself, forgive everyone who hurt me before and END my past there!!! And live a new life as a new me. I feel so blessed and so LOVED by Him. How He is such a kind loving God!!
As for the person who i believe WILL stay with me through out the rest of my new life journey... Loving him in the wrong time was a mistake I've done to Edo, Edo's family and Edo's friends.. but this is how God wanted me to learn EVERYTHING that I've learnt today!! I feel as if I've grown ALOT MORE! (With Sue's help too I got a grip of myself!!! I'm the winner of my own NEGATIVE/POSITIVE voices inside myself!!! I control my security/insecurity!! Not the other way around!!! I LOVE ME!!)
But... Loving him WASN'T A MISTAKE to anyone!! Weather he was there or not.. My last HAD TO BE OVER!!! It might be a mistake to myself.. but not to anyone else!!! I KNOW I didn't choose 1 over the other!!! AND for me.. I don't care if anybody else don't know it, as long as GOD knows, and I know!!
However.. we're reedeeming this mistake by NOT seeing each other anymore.. If we're meant to be... we'll see each other again!! :)

-Rin-

STaRTiNg My LiFe FroM ZeRo...

2007-11-20T11:28:00.000+13:00

After all these years, I've relised that I DON'T have a life. I thought I've started it, but I actually brought myself down even further. I got out of my parents house thinking that I would start a new life somewhere but I didn't. I ran away from the main problem in life, which was HOW TO GROW UP! HOW TO BE INDEPENDENT! In fact, I didn't and I haven't until this whole situation arised.

It has been few weeks that I went back to my parent's. I've done lots of talking with people (I suppose from this I learned how to socialized and pick the right friends to be with), I've done some self-searched, and saw a counselor (Through this I found my insecurities within me), and I've done self-reflect process (And with this I have relised exactly why I did the things I did).

Few days ago I started to do the first step. I told my dearly Edo how I really feel all these years and be completely honest about the whole thing (honest doesn't mean discussing something that has nothing to do with him). I was really scared to start but I did it! I said it all! The things to be done now are to DO the consequences!! Lots of them. 6 years of living in lies brought me to the deepest dark hole of this place. I'm stepping up.

If I have brought myself down to minus all these years, I have to pick myself up to a steady ground. I'm gonna start again from the beginning. And to begin I have to undo what I shouldn't and learn from it.
I've put Edo, his family, my family, our friends, my love and MYSELF into all this hard time.. I've got to sort this out. Can't undo it, but I can say sorry. Can't explain, but I can confess. Can't pay my mistakes, but I can redeem it. I'm gonna start from the beginning!!! And that's the way it should be!!!

-Rin-

New beginning.....

2007-11-12T11:28:00.000+13:00

Today I relised that God loves me THAT MUCH!!! I was given a PRECIOUS LIFE! Something I have NEVER relised before!!! This is a chance for me to start fresh. A new beginning. To start to live as Mayrhinne instead of May. Who i was.. who i am.. and who i always will be in the future!

Drove away from a place where I have stayed for the past 6 years.. felt so strange.. tonight I'm coming 'home' alone.
Home.. is a place with strong foundations, walls and roofs so it is weatherproof. A place to hide from the hot sun, cold wind, freezing snow.
It is also a place where I should feel save and sound.. Where I could draw a line between right or wrong.. where I could runaway to when I feel so lost..
A place to share the tears and the laughs with your loved ones.

Have I ever had a home?
My parents built their home before I was born. Weather it is a strong place for them to be save or not I'm not sure, only they know. But for me.. the place i've been calling a 'home' for a long time.. just probably wasn't actually a good place to belong. I feared that place. That's where I was punished when I did wrong. And how did I draw the line of right or wrong, if everytime I did what's right I never told I was? I was lost in my own place i called a 'home'.
Came to my teenage life.. when I was TOTALLY LOST. I had nowhere I feel save to go to.. And that's when I began to desperately search. I had no religion/belief that guide me through either.. I was just as bad as I could be. I did anything to search for that place.. where my soul belongs to. I found a place, familiar surrounding except it was better because I chose the person i wanted to be there with. I thought, maybe i felt empty at mom's because I couldn't search for who I am, they always treated me like a child. And thought to become myself I have to decide who I want to be.. and I chose to be at that new place, tried as hard as i could to hold that. But I just felt empty still.

I think how to find who u are is to be able to draw your own line that define what's wrong and what's right/ what's good and what's bad. To have myself, my own line to hold on to, to guide me to go through life and able to hold my own promises that are based on myself! Not others! This explains why I never felt guilty to mistakes and never felt impressed to efforts i've done. And I feel insecure because I just don't know what the hell i do in this world, and i feel unsafe. Different people have different opinions about rights/wrongs depending on how much of an understanding person he/she is. Therefore i never felt secure about my own behaviours. Do things according/based on people's guideline.

I am going to draw my own line. If in the past i keep using a pencil to draw and erase them to search.. this time I want to grab a pen and draw a bold line!!!!! I will find myself, what i want. Once i've done that, the only thing I can do to proof myself that "desire" comes from myself, is by doing it! Holding onto my own promises.

Now as for things that I've gone through, the mistakes I've made.. I feel so bad! But I also know those will shape me to be a better person! I believe everything happened for a reason. What happened, is happenning, and will happen are all God's plan! And I was given choices to do what's right but i didn't and this is a chance now!!

Live the rest of my life with a new fresh start.. Going through a new journey of my life!! Thank God as I could now see that life you have given me is precious and it made me feel special!

-Rin-

Saturday, October 27

2007-10-27T10:28:00.000+13:00

Although you don't want to admit it, accepting defeat may be your most practical option at this point. Personal goals are met without too much resistance today. If there is an activity that interests you, now is the time to give it a try. Progress towards your goal with an open mind but try to narrow your focus.

Astro Outlook

Money

Love

Health

Lucky Numbers
5, 9, 18, 32, 36, 39
Compatible Sign
Cancer

Anak jaman skarang yeh

2007-10-25T11:42:00.001+13:00

Divi Kecil2 udah blajar Nga-pel!! :)

Wednesday, October 24

2007-10-24T11:13:00.000+13:00

When in doubt, be sure to take the more cautious path. You may not be ready, but an important relationship is undergoing a change. It is not yet clear whether this change is for the better. Avoid showing resentment towards those that hold power over you.

Astro Outlook

Money

Love

Health

Lucky Numbers
14, 22, 28, 34, 38, 39
Compatible Sign
Cancer

Tuesday, October 23

2007-10-23T21:24:00.000+13:00

Start with something small and work your way up from there. Although it may seem like you are getting a raw deal, someone is actually doing you a favor. It may not seem like it at the time, but everything will become clear soon. Bring an outsider into a business situation and you will get a new outlook.

Astro Outlook

Money

Love

Health

Lucky Numbers
4, 15, 18, 30, 35, 44
Compatible Sign
Cancer

Another thing I see...

2007-10-23T21:07:00.000+13:00

Sometimes.. my stubbornness makes my brain goes dumb dumb! LOL!!!! I prayed and prayed.. I found the answer! Well.. not gonna solve the whole problem.. but.. 1 step at the time!! That's right! 1 step at the time!!!! F*CK!!!

3 days with no sleep.. made me dumber! Thx to my only friend who could see it from another point of view. At least another thing I could try to do to go towards where I wanna be! Gosh!!! It's true when they say 'cinta butuh pengorbanan'.

Today I learn that obsession caused trouble. Sometimes to sacrifice means to make everybody and MYSELF happier. I just need to take time.... I know for sure that God has planned something good for me and everybody!!! Thank you GOD, and thanks to that smile that stays in my heart always.

-Rin-

Appreciate Friendship....

2007-10-23T10:59:00.000+13:00

FRIENDS!!!.... appreciate your effort to try having fun with me.. I really do! Thx for Friday.... eat out! Saturday... Rock-Climbing! Sunday... Ice-Skating! Monday... Shopping! Edo.. thanks for the nice bag you bought me, and the Versace perfume you bought yourself because I said I like it. I wish I could smile for real those days! I'm sorry for disappointing you. The big picture is clear.... I know what I have to do. But the details... I'll keep it to myself.

My other friend... All these times... I thought you didn't care... I thought you like to see me down! I was wrong.. I was wrong the wholeeeeeee time!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're the only one who understand how I feel right now.... the only one who cried with me through all these times..
I feel so guilty I don't think I deserve the kindness you're giving me right now. *sigh*
At this moment of life.. only you know when I need to be alone or when I need you by my side. when I need to be entertained or when I need to cry my heart out. Thank you GOD, You are still so kind, giving me a friend who understand EXACTLY how i feel, I don't even have to say lots.

It seems sooooo hard right now... but i know in the end everything's gonna be alright. Whatever God has planned, I will do. Right now.. I just pray to GOD to ease Edo's pain, mine and his. For now, that smile and warmth will help me go through each and every second of these times!!

-Rin-

Sad... sad.. drama!

2007-10-22T16:48:00.000+13:00

The more I erase him from my life... the more attach I become. I feel really empty... I'm not here.. my soul's somewhere out there... every second I go through.. I hear his name whispered into my ears. F*CKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

I can't!!! I really can't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hikzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Monday, October 22

2007-10-22T12:00:00.000+13:00

Any doubt you had about your current position in life is put to rest as the Moon makes its way into a new Sign. You would add much to your credibility if you converted some old rivals into allies. Work hard to convince unlikely partners to go along with your ideas. Do not break anything that can't be fixed.

Astro Outlook

Money

Love

Health

Lucky Numbers
17, 22, 27, 29, 32, 49
Compatible Sign
Pisces

Inside I cry For Mercy!!!!

2007-10-21T11:31:00.001+13:00

I'm trying so hardddddddd to let go!! It's just sooooooooooo crazy!!! I'm sad inside I can't show! ERGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Today's Astrology

2007-10-21T11:31:00.000+13:00

Sunday, October 21
Friends and lovers can depend on you for a good time, and colleagues know they can count on you to get the job done. You believe strongly enough in a cause to sacrifice some of your personal happiness. Someone who can open doors for you will notice the effort you put into helping others. Accept others for who they are, then determine how they can best serve your needs.

Astro Outlook

Money

Love

Health

Lucky Numbers
10, 12, 20, 32, 37, 42
Compatible Sign
Pisces

~ Astrology ~

2007-10-21T11:28:00.000+13:00

Saturday, October 20
Your style is so impeccable right now that few are likely to have issues with its content. You are beginning to love something that at one time caused you great fear. This could lead to a strong, long-lasting relationship. Speak your mind while you still have the opportunity to do so.

Astro Outlook

Money

Love

Health

Lucky Numbers
2, 3, 21, 34, 44, 45
Compatible Sign
Pisces

~ Beautiful ~

2007-10-20T22:05:00.001+13:00

Conclusion!

2007-10-19T09:04:00.000+13:00

Lots of thoughts since wed night..... I was shocked!!!!! It was crazy.. I didn't know how I feel. I was sad.. I felt pity.. etc.

Inside the womb, we live in the water. But as soon as we are out of there, we HAVE TO stand on the land. Our parents suppose to shape us and prepare us to be ready for this world. They suppose to teach us how to sit, stand and walk as well as building foundation of strength to survive. However some parents just don't know what they suppose to do, it's not their fault. In life everyday is a learning process. We just have to find a way to learn it ourselves.

As we grow older.. physically we get stronger. Mentally and emotionally depend on what our parents are like and how they bring us up. But I believe we were born to survive! Everybody especially MEN, NEED TO stand on the ground, not float in the water!!! On the ground we know where we stand exactly and everything isn't a dream, but reality!!

With things that happened, it opened my eyes wider.. Now I know why sometimes when I try to stand up on the land with my own 2 feet, in the end I go back into the water. I don't have a strong foundation to stand in the beginning, and when something push me even just a little bit I fall! I have been floating in the water too long during my past, I got used to it and liked being in there. In the water I feel so light and I let the flow takes me anywhere. I feel heavy on the land.

In present, I go there to hide! I use the wave as an advantage to pull me in there!! It has been a good place for me to run away in the past and all these times!!!

As for that person who we think has been holding my hands all along while I was in there.. I could only say... you found me fast and easy because you've been floating in the water too long yourselves, you know where to go, you recognize the pattern, it has been your "real life" all these times. You maybe never stood on the ground, and you think it is where you belong.

In there we were holding hands that why we flew together! That's why we developed that strong connection!! In the water sometimes it is lonely.. we found each other, both needed something to hold on to.. Here we latched into each other. But hun.. this is not where we should be! We should be on the ground!!!! MEN should be on the ground!!

For me, I know I can't stand up strong there just yet, but I'm going back there!!! YOU SHOULD TOO!! We held into each other in the water, now that I'm swimming back, I'm writing this so you could go to the ground too!!! I can't be with you, but I appreciate u being there with me before. Edo fought with every strength all the way to pull me back. I'm his (remember i told you about the anchor?). Future I can't see, but in present that's reality! The future we built together in the water, isn't strong. Anything isn't strong in there!

Until today I know exactly why you did the things you did.. because I know in the water there are no steady ground.. we don't know why we do what we do. We just ride the wave! But you have to go to the ground!! 1 day in the water you'll get so lost, you won't know where you are anymore! (Don't make yourself more LING LUNG! I don't want you to actually go crazy! Water is powerful, you know that! It'll tug you in 1 day! WAKE UP!!! WE swim back to the shore!!)

I am ahead, I can't wait, my daughter is there waiting for me! 1 other thing for me to say.. you CAN'T build a family in the water! There's nowhere to stand in there! You should go to the ground too!!!! First step to do is to PRAY. I still feel the connection.. I would never forget what we went through.. but 1 thing.. I'm not looking at that future we built in the water together anymore because it's not real. No foundation to why we built that dream. And.. in reality.. we aren't together. But goooo tooooo theeee ground!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said that because I care!!!

-Rin-

The bottom of my heart!

2007-10-17T11:57:00.001+13:00

I was blind for awhile, I made situation goes worst! I pressured you to stand up for us.. but it just lead us to THE WORST PLACE to be!

Now that I can see clearly.. I am doing this for US! Today isn't the day.. but tomorrow will be another new day.. if till I die is not the right time.. I WILL see you in my next life!!!
If in this moment I can only carry it and not show it.. then so be it.. but till I die I will carry it!!

I believe reality is something we HAVE TO do, we humans need to be responsible for what we have said, to pay for mistakes we made! Even though it has to happen, everyday of my life I have to at least have some sleep, in there I will see you!

If i was sad because my heart was empty, now I'm not going to be sad anymore. Thanks to you, you filled it right up to the top! I locked it, and threw the key far far away!!!!
Now.. even when reality is something I have to do, 1 thing that will make me look forward to another day.. is the dream I had, have, and will always have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Half Done

2007-10-15T18:21:00.000+13:00

- Untitled Just Yet -

There are so many words I wanna say
If each star is one letter
Then the sky would stretch forever

See? When it's me and you
When you're hand is touchin mine
Through my skin it goes into my soul
Comin back at yours

- To Be Continued -

Today is a crazy day.

2007-09-18T12:30:00.000+12:00

Today... I still have no appetite, but I do feel better. I ate though! I never diet. F*ck that.

Hmm.. lately.. I feel like I am just not where I am right now. My mind goes off somewhere else.

I think about things I shouldn't think about. It's crazy! My head's full of it! Can't stop.. more like I don't want to stop to think about it. It just feels soooo good! Can't even explain how good it is with words.

I just need some songs that go with it. What could it be huh? Enough for today.

Ruang Hampa di hati gue

2007-09-17T11:44:00.000+12:00

Asik ya.. rasanya ngambang di atas aer. Ga berat... numpu sama satu benda yang ga jelas darimana asalnya dan untuk apa sebenernya ada. Gue ngerti kalo permainan air itu bahaya... bisa menghanyutkan.. tapi utk sekarang ini.. gue ga kuat untuk brenang kembali ke tepian. Gue cuma bisa tidur dan mimpi akan sesuatu yang sepertinya ga mungkin terjadi. Gue suka prasaan gue disini, tapi gue sayang... banget.. sama dia yg memberi gue harapan untuk bertahan saat ini.. dan gue ga mau bawa dia jauh ke tengah sama gue.

Cuma dia yang bikin hati gue trasa penuh saat ini. Hampa masih menggema, tapi satu hari gue yakin gw bisa kumpulin kekuatan itu lagi untuk kembali. Dan saat itu gue akan slalu inget sama dia. Slama gue idup di dunia!

That little ups and downs!

2007-09-16T09:58:00.000+12:00

Up and down moments of life. Sounds very familiar, doesn't it? I know.. life's full of all these moments.. bla bla bla.. I am completely aware of this situation. It's not like I've never been here and picked my self up before. I have been here.. I've done it. But.. sadness as I would like to call it rather than depression, sometimes work like a great wave.. as much as I think I was standing in a steady ground, it tucks me in all of the sudden and pull me right into the deep water. I keep swimming.. but my legs are tired.

I found this big piece of object floating on the water. I don't know what it is, don't know if it would save me, but weather i choose to hold on to it or not is up to me. I thought to myself "If I don't grab this log, I will go right down as my legs are getting weaker and weaker, but if I do, I don't know what it's gonna do, it might bring me even further, but at least for now it will make me feel secure" so here I am.. with this little bit of energy left on my arm to hold on to it. I could still hear my friends shouting for me to hold on. Some actually swam to me to hold each of my finger to make sure I'm not lost. But a person I hope to help me the most isn't here holding me, isn't there shouting to give me encouragement to hold on. He is just nowhere to be seen.

I keep looking, and at this very present.. I just relised.. he was partly the cause of why I am where I am right now. I could've hold on to him when the water tucked and pulled me into the sea, but he let go! And he went away... I just don't want to swim back to the shore. I just want to stay where I am right now. Hoping that nothing else will bring me even deeper.

I see my little princess's face on the sky. I smile to her and she smiles back at me. She's the HOPE of my life. The 1 reason I try to hold on so tight! Aurelia Elizabeth as I call her.. the one and only LOVE I have in this whole wide world.

Flower Of My Heart

2007-08-23T11:11:00.000+12:00

Okay.. why I got this tattoo? Not to be cool.. not to fit in with others with tattoos.. just simply to have my daughter in me FOREVER.

~Flower of my heart~

Designer Brain:
- Yellow Flower; Aurelia means golden, and the color yellow in sun-flower symbolizes the meaning of her name. The flower itself means her existing. Blossoming as a single flower that grows in my heart.

- Heart; Symbolizes me as soil, strong foundation of the flower to grow. Love and care as its water and food.

- Barb Wire; Symbolizes Edo, the protection of our family. To protect the heart and the flower.

- Aurelia Elizabeth; My daughter's name.

- 1.5.7.6.9; 01-May-2007, 06.09PM

If you notice, flower is the only one that's colored, because I wanted her as the main subject. 'Flower of My Heart'

~Angel From Above~

2007-08-23T10:42:00.000+12:00

God has sent me an angel from above!! -19/08/07-

My Gorgeous Little Princess

2007-05-06T16:28:00.000+12:00

AURELIA ELIZABETH SENTOSA
01-05-2007

My Birth Story

2007-05-06T10:07:00.000+12:00

Sunday, 29/04/07, 4 days before due date. I asked Edo if we could go for a longgggg walk but he didn't wanna go. Ressa came and we all agreed to go to Sylvia Park Mall instead. Met Myra n Inyo there too. We went for a walk and did a bit of shopping then I felt a terrible pain in my tum, just twice though, then the pain went away. So.. we went and have dinner in Hong Kong Restaurant (Mokoia Rd), while we waited for seats we played CS at internet cafe even. After dinner, I didn't feel like doing anything else, I was tired and in a little pain.

Monday, 30/o4/07, 3am I went toilet to wee, and went back to bed, then I felt little gush coming out.. I thought "It can't be bladder leak, I just weed. I better check". I did, and it was blood.. I understand a 'show' little spotting or little bleeding, mine was heapssss! So I txted Delwyn my midwive and she adviced me to go to hospital right away. Once we got there I was told to stay till 8 in the morning to wait for doctor's confirmation, and once the doctor came, she told me I had to stay for 24 hours, which is 8am the next day.
I told Edo to go home and have a rest so he could come back at night and stay up and be with me until I go home the next day.
From 5pm that day I felt regular not so painful contraction around every 6 minutes apart, but it comes and goes. I went for 2 hours walk around hospital corridors waiting for Edo and secretly I was hoping real contraction would start and I don't have to go home and just give birth.
At 9pm though, disappointingly the contraction went away for agessss. Edo came at 11 with Ressa, the contraction started again, stronger this time, but not too painful, and Ressa stayed till 12 hoping I would go into labor and he had a reason to stay, but NO! However....

Tuesday, 01-05-2007, 12.30AM just after Ressa went home, I feel strong painful contraction, not strong enough to make me in labor, but too strong for me to fall asleep. And I thought it would go away again anyway, so I let Edo sleep on the hospital bed while I walked around and tried to make labor begin. 5.30AM dammit, it was real I thought, I felt sooo painful and more regular and it has stayed since 12.30, so it must be it i thought.
7AM I txted Delwyn to tell her what i've been feeling, she told me she'll come and check on me before lunch time, but I told her I'm in pain!! and I've been in pain since 12.30, so she just dropped her kids off to school and came to see me straight away.
8.30AM, yeah.. still less than 3cm dilated, she stretched it with her fingers, and F**K!!! The pain was like 8/10 in scale! I had a shower after that trying to make the pain go away a little, it did. Actually I slept from 9-10, woken up by the pain that was getting more intense every 10 mins of course, but at least I managed to get every 10 mins after each contraction. Then I couldn't handle it anymore, Delwyn gave me gas to suck on, first hour was great but then dammit, it's like my head gets dizzy but contractions weren't less painfull!
12.30PM Delwyn checked internal on me again and yepp still 3cm, not going any further, so she decided to put drip to make me dilate quicker, and I asked for stronger drug to go with it. Tracey (Midwive student who was sort of an assistant there at that time) got me Pathedine, few minutes after the drip went in. Contraction was getting stronger and I couldn't feel the Pathedine work at all, so I asked for an epidural, and they did give me that. Didn't work!! Unbelievable!!!
2PM - 3.30 PM VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY PAINFULLLLLLLL CONTRACTION!!! I felt like I fell off the building and my legs were about to go off my hips!! It was just so intense and soooooooo unbelievable! We were waiting for the drugs to work and seems like it didn't, so they gave me another shot of epidural PLUS spinal injection (I don't know, don't care at that time as long as i would feel better)!
4PM I felt so relax!! I was soo chatty! All the drugs probably came together, I felt numb on my face, pins and needles around my face, neck, breast, it's like I was on Cocain. LOL!! Was great! I fell in love with the anesthetist straight away. I said thank you to her so many times, to my midwives so many times. Then I felt hungry, I ate sandwich, then 5PM Delwyn did another internal check, guess what?? Time to push the baby out! We tried, but noway i could do that, I couldn't even feel anything, how did i suppose to feel that I'm pushing?? So Delwyn decided to wait for abit. The drug slightly went away at 5.30 I told them I started to feel like the urge to push, and they got mirror out and 5.40 I started to push with no pain except just a feeling to push from inside my tum. 5.50 I could feel it getting stronger, I could see the baby head crowned, I pushed stronger, and it came out more, I started to feel pain down there. 6PM the drug went off and DAMMIT!! I could feel BURNINGGGGG!!!! I wanted to push, but I was in pain that it would make it more painful when I push, but if I didn't push, I feel it stuck in there and I'd be in pain longer so I did what they told me to do, and THANK GOD!!!!.....

6.09PM that's when my little princess came out!! They put her straight onto me. I felt weird coz I was still shaking from drug, and tired, and I just blurred for abit.

They did the stitching, cleaning, whatever they had to do down there, and I just looked at my baby, and Edo was there filming and amazed as well. Then at 7 I rang mom n dad told them baby's out, and sum friends were there already, and at around 8 they came, baby has been bathed then so it was my turn to do so. 8.30PM I went off the bed slowly with shaky legs, and sore everything, but still numb in a way from the epidural, had a shower, and by 9pm I was out to go to maternity ward.

Aurelia Elizabeth Sentosa.. was born on the 1st May 2007, 06.09PM at North Shore Hospital - Auckland. She weight 3.6kg, length 51cm. Was big for an Asian bub, she was healthy and i have less fat to loose :)

She has been sooo good since then until today. She sleeps alot, feed around every 4-5 hours, and doesn't cry so much except if she wants or needs something. I feel so lucky.. no baby blues/depressions, just over the moon. She's my gorgeous little princess.. and I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!!

Anxiety's kicking in!

2007-04-16T13:23:00.000+12:00

Damn.. I hate this game of waiting. What we do everyday is just to wait..... wait........ and wait........!!!!
It started to give me anxiety. Officially due date is 3rd May'07, but.. I've been having mild contraction 2-3 times a day for the pas 2 days.. and last night I couldn't sleep because my back is killing me, still manageable, but sore as hell. It made me think that it's really close to the time!

If somehow I wasn't making it up (hard to tell the difference, u know), I think I did my nesting yesterday afternoon too. I had the urge to clean the bloody wall! So I got a bucket, fill half up with hot water and disinfectant, then rubbed the wall to clean all the fly shit and used the mop to do the ceiling in the hallway. I cleaned my room too, changed the sheets, vacuum and mopped the floor, wiped the windows n furnitures. Last was the bathroom, I even wiped the shower curtain and the wall! I don't know if it's just me feeling like doing some cleaning, or it's what they call 'nesting'. U tell me.

Anyway.. will post photos when baby's born. Ciaooo..

~Truly Amazed~.

2007-04-11T19:55:00.000+12:00

Can't believe I just stared at the page every time I came into this blog since the last time I wrote it. I've been tired lately. I'm getting bigger! Getting sick of being pregnant. I think she should come out soon. 1 week until it's time for the baby to be called normal (non-premature) and lucky for me if she'll come out in 1-3 weeks from now even though it's another 3 weeks until her true due date, and if I'm unlucky, she'll come out 3 - 5 weeks from now (being post-mature/overdue). But hey.. I can't complain. It has been truly amazing. After a long time trying to conceive, we finally getting closer to the stage of HAVING and HOLDING our real baby.

Just a little thing to share with others.. for a long time I thought 'I would give up my cigarette and other things (I don't need to mention here) IF I fall pregnant' and for all those time we tried to have baby, we couldn't. It wasn't my fault to think that I wouldn't want to give up something I have for a long time for something I haven't had. What if I throw away all those and I still can't get pregnant? Wouldn't I be going even more stressed?

However THX to my brother though, he asked me to give up smoking with him together (and no.. he wasn't trying to conceive a baby) for our health reason. Smoking do cause lung cancer like those packs say they do, and yes bad smell, and yes you could save more money with being a non-smoker, etc. At that time, I did it for me. I tried to proof myself that I could be consistent. I say things and I do it. Smoking is the biggest thing I could do to proof myself that, so I did. It was around April'06 i think (can't remember) that I had my last cigarette. I had a hard time in the first couple of months to just went cold turkey having none at all from a packet a day. And I wasn't the type that would smoke just for needs, but I did enjoy my smoke. So it was hard for me, but I proofed myself that I could!! And after about 3 months of doing so, I fell pregnant!

Until now I still don't know if it was the cigarette or it was just the right time that was given. I just finished my nanny course than too, and we just moved to a 2 bedroom house to live just by ourself, and Edo just got a contract for his job. It was all the right time!!!!

Now I'm on my 37 weeks exactly. And I can't waitttttt for the big day to come. I've been having Braxton Hicks contraction since about a week ago. It's like a practice contraction, it's not real. Some women get it weeks before their due date, some get it closer to the time. It's like a preparation so we know what it's like to have the real contraction. Isn't it amazing how nature works? Some women also have 'nesting moment', u know how birds create nests before they lay eggs? We human do that in another way. We have the urge to just clean and tidy up the house, preparing for the baby to arrive!! It usually happens few days before he/she comes (it's usually a sign to know that baby's coming soon). And after the baby born and be home, women also have mother instinct to take care of the baby. We don't actually need to be told to do so even though some do panic but I think it's just because they don't believe they could. I believe God have plans for everything, He prepares us for everything and I think even if I didn't do my nanny course, I'm sure I would still be a good ma *over confident*. :D

The room's ready, stuffs that the baby needs are all here, labor n baby bags are packed, it really is just a waiting game at the moment. It gives me anxiety sometimes, but I don't let it get to me, I go out to the mall, to my coffee group, to walk to try killing time. And the most precious thing I do at the moment.. is to SLEEP! I sleep alotttttt coz I know I can't anymore in a few weeks time.
The time now is 8.30 PM, I'm gonna get something to eat, read my book for awhile then go to bed for my precious sleep!! Goodnight :)

Thank You!!!

2007-02-12T15:23:00.000+13:00

Thank You very much everyone to come to the baby shower! I'm sure our baby knows how much she is loved by all uncles/aunts and everybody else. We appreciate everything. Thank You for the loves and blessings also the wonderful gifts!!!! God Bless You!

C-Section or Vaginal (Normal) Birth?

2007-02-05T17:59:00.000+13:00

Seems like it's a common question people ask to mother to be these days.

In Indonesia, it became the most popular method for women to give birth. Doctors ask "When would you like to have your baby?" so they know exactly when they have to work and when they can have holiday. With C-Section, everything will be scheduled, normal birth comes anytime the baby is ready.

In the old days, C-section was used for emergency only. It's either because your baby's in breech position (somehow not in birthing position) or there are some special medical conditions you have that makes you "unable" to have the baby normal way.
These days, its a matter of choice. People choose C-Section for lots of reasons that they're not even sure about. They think it's safer, faster because it's all precise, they think it's going to help NOT stretching their vagina, etc. Husbands would love their wives to stay as they were before giving birth, I know some men out there who wouldn't let their wives give birth naturally.

In fact, it is actually safer to do Vaginal Delivery rather than C-Section. With C-Section, they cut your tummy open - layers and layers of skin will be cut - (the goal is to have healthy mother and healthy baby, if it's absolutely necessary, by all means, do it) they put anesthetics to make you numb the pain (which means it will affect the baby), and it will take weeks before you could be up and go again. And what if infections come along?? It's a lot more complicated!!
The contraction pain that you go through during normal labor is not going to be longer than operation. And there are some pain relief out there that will help you get through it. And your vagina DO NOT stretch out open after you give birth. Some women actually says that it's tighter than before.

Personally I belief that God creates everything for a purpose, God creates women to go through labor, to be able to cope with the pain, and to be complete as a mother this way. And if pain is all there is for me to be a complete woman, I will go through it knowing that He will be there for me, and this is what I suppose to do.
Whole 9 months of going through a beautiful pregnancy has to be completed by a beautiful natural way of birthing the baby.

99 hari lagi!!

2007-01-24T14:57:00.001+13:00

Wah.. ga trasa yah udah tgl 24 Januari lagi. Makin gede kehamilan, makin cepet rasanya waktu berjalan. Sbentar lagi anak gw lahir. Tepatnya 99 hari lagi dari sekarang.

Bulan2 pertama kehamilan, pasti bener2 over-excited, apa2 srasa pengen dibeli/dikerjakan detik itu juga, tapi lama klamaan, malah keteteran, kayaknya masi banyak yang harus dibeli/dikerjakan tapi waktu udah mepet. Ditambah banyak kegiatan yang ibu2 hamil harus jalanin (di New Zealand) sperti Ante-Natal class (kelas ini memberi gambaran untuk pasangan yang sedang expecting baby tentang apa yang harus dilakukan pada saat ini, saat delivery dan saat bayi sudah lahir), trus Midwive visit (sejak tau hamil sampai 30 minggu 1 bulan skali, 30 - 36 minggu 2 minggu skali, nah minggu2 terakhir sebelum melahirkan setiap minggu - untuk ngecek kalo bayi kita napasnya okay, pertumbuhannya okay, kesehatan kita, kesehatan bayi dsb), Exercise (ini sih paling jalan 10 menit skali shari, PLUS housework - nesting instinc yang ibu2 hamil kbanyakan dapat di bulan2 akhir kehamilan).Nah belom ibu2 hamil yang kerja, yang nganggur kaya gw aja kayaknya tuh repot banget kalo udah saat2 skarang, mempersiapkan segalanya untuk menyambut kelahiran bayi pertama.

Gw sbentar lagi ngadain 'baby shower' juga, kayaknya di indo baby shower tuh ga popular, sampe temen2 gw banyak yg ga tau utk apa baby shower itu. Mreka kira mandiin anak gw, atau semacam ritual gitu. Pedahal baby shower itu kalo disini, diadakan seperti gathering sebelom bayi lahir. Biasanya kan USG terakhir itu dilakukan pas 5 bulan, berarti 7 bulan kita sudah tahu anak yang akan kita lahirkan perempuan atau laki2. Nah.. karna biasanya pasangan yang expecting FIRST baby tuh bakalan kegatelan beli sgala macem, jadi pasti pas bayinya lahir, pasangan ini udah bakalan punya sgalanya yang si bayi dan si ibu perlukan. Belom kesibukan untuk mengurus si bayi tersebut, namanya bayi baru, pasti makan waktu untuk saling kenal sama orang tuanya, juga untuk si orang tua mengetahui sifat2 anaknya, nah kan mengganggu tuh kalo orang2 dateng2, party2 pas bayinya udah lahir, jadi diadain baby shower, orang2 datang, makan2 plus bawa kadonya sebelum bayi lahir sehingga pas si bayi lahir, dia bisa menggunakan smua kado2 yang diberikan dan orang tua tahu untuk tidak membeli barang yang sudah dimiliki gitu loh.

Tentang kehamilan gw sekarang ini.. kamis lalu gw mulai Ante-Natal class, hari pertama biasa emang membosankan, perkenalan, trus dikasi informasi tentang pain-relief untuk mengurangi rasa sakit kontraksi, juga informasi tentang macem2 cara melahirkan (water-birth, normal-birth, c-section) terus makanan yang bagus untuk dimakan/yang tidak boleh dimakan dsb. Ini semua sebenernya gw dapet pas sekolah nanny tapi, gw tetep hadir sebab ini bagus utk Edo yang buta sama sekali tentang bayi tapi kepo. :)
Nah hari senen kmaren gw visit midwive, dan smua berjalan lancar, gw dan bayi sehat2 aja, normal so far.

Skarang ini ga perlu kawatir tentang apa2, gw asik2 aja menunggu hari 'H' nya! 99 hari ga lama lohh... ngeri2 tapi excited. :)

.=Just me=.

2007-01-19T13:08:00.000+13:00

That innocent little me.. STILL lives in me. I'm still that person that my parents brought into the world.. except.... better I would say. Not neccesarily being the best among others, I mean.. who's the best, nobody is, everybody has their own imperfections.. you could be good at something but not everything.

It took a longggg time for me to find myself. I searched and searched.. dug and dug.. to really find out about me.
Sometimes situations force us to be what we are temporarily, I remember when I was in high school, moved here especially, I wanted to fit in with others. Some of my friends were goths, and yes.. of course I thought being a goth too will make me be acceptable. I tried to actually be that person I wanted to be, but I couldn't, just didn't feel too good. Being too nice, made people think I was stupid. Too rude, made me feel uncomfortable with myself. So I forced myself to think what I really need to make me feel good about myself until I found the answer.

There are some things in me that I carried on and on, since I was little until now. Even though I grew older and changed to the better, I am still that bubbly person I was when I was a kid (as you can see in the photos), except probably calmer. I still have big love for others that I carry with me for a long long time, except now I know who to love and how to give loves to others without putting myself in big trouble. Bottom line.. I just feel as if I changed to a better person but with my own strong personality still being there to support me whenever and wherever I go.

I don't think that 'being all that' matters too much for me anymore, as being who I am that makes me feel and think I'm all that. I believe everybody is special, and if you're still trying to be something, I'm sure 1 day you'll get what I'm talking about.

Just recent photo...

2007-01-15T21:51:00.000+13:00

This is the newest pic I've got. Was taken on the 1st of January 2007, just got home from casino. I was on my 7th months :)

2007 is hereeeeeee......!!

2007-01-05T13:26:00.000+13:00

I can't believe how fast days go by. I meant to write this blog after New Year day, but of course we woke up so late making up for the lack of sleep we had from the eve.. 2nd of Jan was the lazy day moment coz everybody was going back to work the next day.. and then blurrr.. blurrr.. The days were just gone too fast. I've been quite buzy until today. And it's now the 5th Jan already!

Last year.. bro and I were selling 'terompet' under the sky bungy for few hours for new year, just for new thing, experience something different. Was great. After that we went to club and blew all the money and hung out with all friends as well as random peeps of course. This year was better actually, we didn't sell anything, but I got to spend New Year with people I LIKE! Usually every new year it would be partying with bunch of randoms OR people I HAVE to hang out with (some people whom I know but not close with). And u know.. I feel like I'm getting to old to make friends nowadays.. it's bad I know.. but I can't help it.

6PM is when everybody got buzy dressing up and look pretty. hoho. I showered first coz I was the only girl in the house and I usually take longest time to dress up and u know.. all the other 'embel2'. Then Hendra (who stayed since saturday in my place) showered coz Edo was soooooo 'lelet!!!' and couldn't take his eyes and bum off his PS2. Malvin had showered at mom's and dressed there, so practically... when Edo finished shower, we were all ready!

We were going to 'Mandarin Restaurant' with Edo's friends, but somehow it wasn't organised well, some wanted to eat steak rather than chinese food, and restaurant was too full to do all of us, etc etc.. Edo was buzy ringing here and there.. and TEDDY suggested 'Lord Nelson'. And yeahhh!!! I loveee their food. It's a steak restaurant!! It ended up to be 7 of us, all Edo's friend that I like (Ressa, Mike, Teddy), my bunch (Malvin bro and Hendra), and Edo & me who ate in Lord Nelson. The waiting wasssss soooooo longgggggg.. but somehow, it didn't bother me coz we had a good time joking and laughing and talking while we waited, even though the food was a bit dissapointing (maybe coz it was new year's eve, so buzy that they can't really pay attention to every single steak that they made, understandable). But we had discount voucher from the chef (Ko Ricky), he's 1 of our friend too. Overall it was great! We got to spend New Year's eve dinner in actually a fun way no bitchiness going on n u know.. I liked every1. Oh.. I tried to ring Oliph... but she fell asleep.. that wasn't cool. I wanted to see her.

After dinner the plan was.. going to casino. BUT.. YAYY.. the que was over 50 metres long!! FUCK THAT! (oopss). We weren't gonna que that long so we went and play pool until just before midnight then some went on the roof of Cue City, but me Edo Hendra and Malv went underneath the sky tower exactly. Fireworks went on for 5 minutes.. and we took some photos n all that. Que was still too long to go into casino so we went for a walk. Me with my big belly, high hills, mini skirt walking around Queen St plus up and down the hill.. was Crazy!
Edo was getting bored, so we went back to see the casino and surprisingly the que was about 4 metres left, so yeappp of course we went in there. We lost money.. Ressa got abit.. but then lost it.. Malv and Hendra won quite abit.. and others didn't play. We stayed in here until about 5PM.

Got tired, decided to go back home. We walked to the car, CAR WAS GONE!!! It was towwed away!!! So Ressa and Han2 took us to the towing car company to pick up our car THEN we went home. Adding up all the money we spent that night... wasn't too bad. Usually we spend over $300ish to go clubbing (to go in and buy u know what plus drinks inside). This new year we spent less than that.. went home sober.. and had so much fun. So it was a good New Year for me.
Christmas was also good this time. 5 of us had dinner at my home. I bought cooked turkey from mom, and made salads, etc etc.. and yea we had quite xmas dinner for 5, then went to church at midnight. I got foot spa from Edo and I got him a cool ashtray for his ciggies.

I was happy with the past 2 weeks of Xmas and New Year.. but still more excited about the baby more than anything. I'm decorating.. yes.. just waiting for the stuffs to arrive.. then I'll have the baby room ready. Planning to have baby shower on the 1oth or 17th of February. I wonder if I should order 'Nasi Tumpeng' or maybe I should just have 'bule' finger food?? hmmm... I'll check with the baby's dad. :)

For now.. I gtg.. Happy New Year 2007 guys... :)

Baby's room Furniture

2006-12-21T15:37:00.000+13:00

It's just the furniture, I haven't really decorate the room yet.

I've put things bit by bit according to where i want them at, but still far from complete. But this photo's also to show you the changing table that i just got. That green one there.. handy too other than beautiful! I dun need a tall boy for baby anymore. :)

Blah? Whatever! :)

2006-12-15T12:27:00.000+13:00

I have.. about 1/2 an hour to spear, mepet sih.. tapi gw lagi ngebet pengen nulis.

Anyway.. had my scan yesterday. The guy asked if i wanted to know the sex of the baby. I said.. yes that's another reason why I came here for other than making sure that the baby's healthy. So he was like.. k.. let's see. He asked: "wanna guess what you're having?" I said: "I know what I'm having.. I just need you to confirm it.. it's a girl, isn't it?" He said: "Yup.. a little baby girl" She had her legs right up to the air, and the guy said to me that either he can see that the baby's a girl, a boy, or he can't see. Even though there is a few percentage that he could be wrong he said. But he defenatelly saw it. *wahoo.. start planning for my baby shower I guess :)*

In this baby matter, we call that feeling I had mother instinc, right? But.. I think everybody sometimes have that gutt feeling that just tell you that you're so right! No doubt in mind at all for what so ever.
This doens't come very often, but on the day I got married with Edo, I felt the same thing. I felt so sure that this is who God wants me to be with for the rest of my life, THOUGH.. through times.. sometimes I feel like I can't stand him anymore, I can't be with him anymore, it was wrong to merry him, but.. what I felt on the day I got married was something that was sure! Something that would keep me going through hard times with Edo. I didn't say that our marriage run smoothly at all times, we go through ups n downs, and some of my friends know exactly what I was like when i'm down (Thx for being there for me, u know who u r), there was a time where I felt like.. I just wanted to end it.. but I thought I MIGHT regret it.. couple of times I came to a decision like that, I just felt that strong butterfly in my stomach like I was about to do a big big mistake! Even though at that time, I was too angry to not leave and it's easier for me to just left!!
I don't think life's that easy though, so here I am, keep going, keep fighting for what I have to go and fight for.

15 mins before I run out of time.
January's coming, can't believe it's gonna be Christmas and New Year AGAIN soon. Seems like it was xmas n new year just a few weeks ago. I still remember standing beside that sky-swing beside sky tower selling 'terompet and lollies' with bro last year. Was a cool experience, something different. We didn't get much, but we didn't loose any money. Malvin and I were taking about singing Xmas carol on Queen St for Xmas eve for few years now, but we just haven't really had time to practice or maybe we just weren't that willing to do so YET. But someday we will.
This year I might have a little Xmas eve dinner with Edo and Malv at home, order some ham/turkey from mom's work. But today is the 15th, and I haven't even decided anything yet. The worst thing is.. we're poor this month, next month, and the month after and so on. LOL Basiclly poor until baby's born. Edo got me present, and I don't have money to get him anything. I feel stink. O well.. this year will be simple Xmas :) And proly.. no New Year. Don't know, don't care, see what comes up. I'm still more excited about the baby more than anything else.

Anyway... guys, I'm having my baby shower around the start - mid february, haven't decided yet at the mo, but i'll let you guys know closer to the time. For now.. I gtg.. :)

Just Some Photos!

2006-12-13T14:25:00.000+13:00

A pair of the little pink socks!

Newborn Nappies (pack of 72).

These were Divi's.

Baby backpack.

The cute little bassinett.

Mom's Buzz!

2006-12-13T13:49:00.000+13:00

It is now 13th of December 2006, I'm now on my 20 weeks exactly! Totally 1/2 way through carrying the most wonderful gift from God. I feel great. No more morning sickness, no more xtreme tiredness, but a wonderful wonderful sense of baby movements that I could really feel now. I almost feel like I know what my baby's doing inside.

I have my energy back, I started to clean up the house, and decorate it with XMas decoration, trying to feel the spirit of XMas. Somehow I'm so overwhelmed with this baby that I don't really feel the XMas spirit this year, not as strong anyway. And I can't believe I have no plan for NEW YEAR!! Nothing at all. Usually by the middle of NOV I would've done my XMas decoration, have a XMas party planned, have presents bought, I even think about New Year resolution 1/2 a year before New Year usually. Doesn't matter though, it's not like I can drink or err.. u know :P

Tomorrow I'm having a 5 months scan. I then will find out the gender of the baby I hope, even though mother instinc tells me everyday that my baby will be a girl, I can't exactly be sure until I see the proof from the scan. Some women may have experienced of mother instinc feeling that I'm going through at the moment, as if you just know...
I tried to be neutral and think that it could be a boy, I tried to look for a boy's name, looked at boy's clothings and items, but I just feel wrong everytime I did that, so now I won't bother to look at boy's stuffs even though I still keep an open mind about having a little baby boy. Not that I mind what the baby sex is as long as he/she is healthy. I just think that it is a wonderful gift that I could ever receive in my life.

I started to collect baby's stuffs since last week. I've got a cool bassinett and Dr. Sprott's BABESAFE cover for the mattress of course. And today, I got my changing table (I don't need it much, but I love the design of this table, it has 2 big drawers underneath that I could use for keeping baby's clothes instead of buying a new tall boy and when baby's older I could take the changing matress out and it'll look like a tall boy exactly!!). I've also got a big pack of newborn nappy, and a pair of pink socks (hope mother instinc's right :P). After I find out what I'm having tomorrow, I will start collecting bit by bit, decorate baby's room.. AND.. AFTER I'm having baby shower around mid february, I will do a big shopping!!! YAYY.. so excited!!! :)

My Brain is like Panic Room

2006-11-09T13:16:00.000+13:00

Today's topic is gonna be pretty random. As that is what i feel at the moment.

As you all know me.. I am very very bawel. I can talk about any subject to people I know of course. I'm kinda shy to those I don't know. But anyway... lately.. everybody told me that... I'm getting MOREEE.. and MOREEEE bawel. And I do think so too. Like.. I'd be talking to you about 1 subject, and before that conversation's even finished, I would have another subject in mind because I heard some words in that sentence that was related to that other subject. It's just crazy. And I hate silence more than anything right now. I could see any thing and make sentence out of it.

Every morning, I got woken up (I blame the baby for this) around 5 or 6 am, and I would do what I usually do.. like.. go wee wee and try to go back to sleep.. but this time I can't. My brain's working straight away.. E.G: I would walk to the toilet, and I would see.. err.. paper on the floor, usually it doesn't matter! I should just go back to sleep.. but this time.. my brain would think about.. how that piece of paper get there after i vaccumed, and then I'll think about my vaccume, like.. has edo cleaned it after i used it? then i wud think about edo's lunch, then aghhh.. all that word accosiation thing! It's like a chain.. it keep popping in my head.. I try to meditate.. but NOOOO.. it doesn't work. When i'm hungry, it's worst!!!!! I think bout more stupid things. CRAZYY!!!! Crazy crazy!!

Another thing that I think unusual.. is that when I see food ad on t.v, I want them all! Errghh.. I see Pizza ad, I want pizza, I see a movie where some1 eat donut, I wud want donut. But luckily I don't have to have it. It wud be crazy if i crave everything in 1 day. I would be double pig after I give birth maybe.

Anyway.. enough randoms from me today. Really... I'm confused. I want my brain to shut off.. and give me silence for just 5 minutes.. but.. how do i do that?? sleep?? Oh.. not sleep again!!!

To whom I love forever and ever!!!

2006-11-07T11:46:00.000+13:00

I didn't think I could ever write anymore...... but things changed.... u know.. every now and then writting this could be a good thing.

Sometimes.. there are things that you want to express to the whole world.. but you just don't know how.. and I think this is the purpose of ME writting blogger. No private stuff ay. :P

Hmmm.. how I'm doing? Err.. I think I'm fine.. I just graduated from my nanny course.. and I was going to open a Home-Based Childcare right after I finished.. but..... I'M PREGNANT!!! :D After hard times trying to fall pregnant.. I finally got pregnant! I'm on my 4th months now. Not long to go. Baby's due on the 3rd May 2007. We don't know if it's a boy or a girl just yet.. but I think it's a girl. U know.. mother instinc :)

Sounded like I'm actually really happy at the moment huh? But.. It's pretty tough. I'm not working anywhere at the moment because of my condition. I'm feeling veryyyyyyy tired.. and I still do feel a little bit sick sometimes.. my body's changing.. and I'm just not up for a good job at the moment. I did interview for a nanny/housekeeping job, it's a 4 hours/week and it's just 1 day. I can do that easy! And I got the idea of actually babysitting, not nannying. THe child is 10 yrs old... and I only do meal preparation for her. The rest of the time.. just do house cleaning. The house is okay, not too big, and I only do vacuuming, tidying up, put clutters away, and u know.. all light housework job that i do at my own house. $16/hr.. so it's ok. I'm happy bout that.
What about the rest of the time that I'm at home?? I do lots of thinking. With my mood swings especially.... I just miss my family. Last night I felt soooooo weird.

First I was thinking about my cuz.. we grew up together.. since we were babies. Our mums are sisters. They also have 2 other sisters. It was either birthday parties.. or after school meetings (at grandma's our moms will meet each other after school time).. or staying over at aunt mega's house or my house every weekends that we saw each other. She was my BESTTTT FRIEND! She was my SISTER!!!! She was... part of me! When we were little we had the same clothes.. same shoes.. same hair accesories.. same hobbies even?? That was awesome. When we grew up.. we shared everything we had. She knew allllllll my secrets.. and I knew hers.. This kinda relationship is really hard to find. I love her to my body and soul. And now.. that we're apart.. we stay in each other's heart at all times. We might not know much about each other anymore.. but we will never change how we feel to each other.. I love her.. and it's gonna stay this way until I die!

Then I thought about my hero. He was.. always.. a love caring person. He has warmth in his heart that I always feel when I'm around him. When I was little.. he was always there for me, tought me how to move my hands to songs.. how to speak.. how to walk.. (mom was there too.. but we're not talking bout her right now.. so.. :P) And when I grew up.. I remember he was holding me when we went to the doctor to take my earrings off, my ears were swollen from the new pearcings, I wassss soooo scared that the doctors will hurt me. But he comforted me. I would never forget that. I hated him when we came to NZ, I thought it was the stupidest idea ever! We were quite wealthy when we were in Indo, I thought it was sooo stupid for us to come here and spent all our money to apply stupid PR to live in this cow country!!! I didn't relise.. what he tried to do.. is to safe his family from the riots in Indo.. he tried to give us a better life. But i didn't understand. Now i relise how much NZ has to offer. We will never be too poor here.. we will have a good life in the old days.. our children will always be fed.. and I thank my parents for this sooooo much!!!!!! But I can't say it.. directly to them. And my dad's not wealthy now.. yet he helps people.. to have a better life.. he helped my grandma to have her operation.. and that was the bravest thing to do.. he had to fight through shittest thing.. but he didn't care.. for his mother he did it all. And for dearest little sister too.. he did it all.. I never relised this.. at all. I always knew he's a good man. But i never relised he's actually a GREAT MAN!!! He's kinda sick now.. well he had cancer.. it suppose to be okay now.. cause he had cemotherapy.. but I really don't understand much about his sickness.. oh just if i could show him that i care.. how much i want to understand and help him in every single way.. but it's just not me to ask. I talk to him about either very important or totally unimportant stuffs.. we never had heart to heart talk. I feel shy or even disgusted if somehow we do.. I think he feels the same. We just expect 1 another to know how we feel towards each other. After all these years.... I just relised last night how much I adore him.. how much I love him.. how much I think of him as my hero.. and I hope someday he knows.

Mother.. I can't say much about her... really. She never really express anything. What I always know.. is I love her too. I know she went through hard life.. and she still is. Sometimes I want to tell her to just chill out.. and take things easy. But.. again.. I can't talk. I can to mom.. but she lives in her own world.. and it's really hard for me to enter.. I just hope 1 day she wakes up.. and would be able to live in reality like everybody else. I want her to know though.. that I will always be here no matter what.

Why don't I mention my bro?? That's because we have a greatttttt relationship! We can talk about anything.. not that he likes to listen to my unimportant topic.. like reska does :P but i'm just saying.. I think we understand each other.

It's probably weird for some of you to read this.. but for me.. it's VERY IMPORTANT to get my message across to those people. I can't say what I want to say directly to them.. but I know by writting this in blogger.. somehow.. someday.. the message will get across.
I think I'm running out of idea now.. I gtg.. and do my things. CYA!

Second Month of The Year

2006-02-20T23:20:00.000+13:00

Hmm.. time flies.. really.

This month is orite. I've got 2 jobs going. I'm constantly selling things and get abit of profit. Hopefully I can keep saving those money and do bigger thing later on.
Been abit buzy.. that's why I can't really keep blogging.. but I'm okay.

Things are up n down.. I'm trying to get use to it.

Me n Edo? No Comment. I'm going through ups n downs here too.. so.. yea

Went clubbing last weekend.. was great. We went beach party @ Mission Bay on saturday, then Kiss Bar at night. Awesome!! Spent sunday sleeping all day as we couldn't move at all. Well.. me with my sore neck, shoulder, hips, thigh, legs, feet couldn't move anywhere... dam.. so i skipped work today.. err feel sooo guiltyyy...

Anyway.. going back to work tomorrow.. so i better go sleep now. Ciao

SinCia!!!!!!

2006-01-29T03:10:00.000+13:00

Gong Xi, Gong Xi!!! :)

Yea.. I remember masakan buatan kung-kung yg superrrr sedapppppppp!!! We alwiz have it malem sincia.. he cooked lots of different type of food. I never forget the Ham Coy!!! The most delicious that kung-kung cook! It's sooo yummy!!! And he cooked saklon? and wongsan? (LOL, I really dunno how to spell em actually) and Pitan!! Telor item! I luv it!!!
Trus ama masak juga.. terlalu banyak deh tuh makanan di atas meja sampe gw sendiri lupa apa aja si sbenernya yg ada.

And gw inget slalu ngumpul di tempat kung-kung/ama maen kembang api sama spupu2 and malem2 jam 12 an gitu makan sate panggil di depan. Wa.. pokoknya bener2 fun abis. Waktu kung-kung/ama tinggal di pecakulit sih.. cuman maen petasan doang and kembang api.. trus kita orang tidur.. lagian kita waktu itu masi kecil.. slaen waktu tidur kita lebih early, juga gw ga gitu inget lah ya. Tapi pas mreka pindah ke sunter, kita orang abis makan sate pasti maen di taman sampe malem2 bgth jam 1 an gitu. Trus pulang deh.

Nah.. pas hari sincia nya... mom n dad slalu pakein gw n malvin baju baru yg mom cari muter2 sekitar seminggu/2 minggu sblm hari H nya. Trus mreka juga pake baju baru... and sblm kmana2, kita harus "soja" sama mom n dad.. and mreka kasi kita hung bao. Trus abis itu kita keliling deh tuh dari pagi - malem. Gerah2!!! Macet2!! Tapi kudu!!! It's a tradition! Harus kunjungin smua kluarga, harus soja dong. Tujuannya biar kita generasi yg baru tetep kenal sama generasi yg lama2.. Smua kluarga harus saling kenal dong. Nanti anak gw juga bakal gw bawa kliling2.. *kalo bisa* Trus juga yg tua2 kasi hung bao buat luck.
Kita biasa kunjungin yg deket2 rumah kita dulu.. trus baru deh yg laen2. Dad slalu punya route yg dia udah atur. Kung-kung punya banyak koko/cici/dede. Ama juga. And skarang sih most of them have past away, termasuk my kung-kung. My dearest kung-kung. But I'm glad I know him.. and his family.

Sejak sampe di New Zealand.. sincia seems ilang utk bbrp taon.. karna bonyok saking sibuk.. ga pernah inget tuh about sincia. Kita kaga soja2 lagi.. kaga ada hung bao2 lagi.. sampe kita start to settle disini. Baru deh.. kita soja2an.. tapi juga ga pake hung bao2 an si.. paling kita makan keluarga aja gitu.
Nah malem sincia taon ini.. ga ada acara apa2 sm kluarga.. tadi kita orang maen pool. Pdahal rencana pengen ke margyz!!! Ehhh ga jadi.. pada tepar coz cape kali ye. Ben baru pindah juga ke tmpt gw, ngisi kamer, kan eman uda pegi.
Ni ari.. well ntar siang ni... gw bakal yum cha with mom n dad! I'm actually kinda worried. I hate meeting my parents and edo together. Plus.. I'm not so keen to see mom at the moment ay. I love her so much.. but not in the mood to see her at the moment. Tapi I think it'll be okay.. everything will be okay I think :)

Ya dah.. skrg jam 3.30am. I'm so tired already.. I worked last nite.. it was buzy too.. so.. i gotta sleep now.. errrrr.. tired.. :S

Daaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhh

2006-01-24T23:11:00.000+13:00

~~Dreaming... dreaming.. dreaming............ ~ *KRINGGGG!!! KRINGGGG*

Dammit!!! I woke up this morning, couldn't even remember what i dreamt about because of the phone call.. even worse, I thought that was HIM.. erghh.. totally being "tulalit" straight away..
I thought for few seconds weather I should pick up the phone or not.. and.. yeaa my brain told my hand to pick it up.. so I did. Guess whut?? I'm glad it was my daddy!!!! My sweet daddy!!

He said it's his day off today.. and he asked me if i would like to go on a "date" with him :D well.. not really. He just asked if I would want to go around to importer and stuffs.. just so we have a little idea of what to sell here. I told you rite? I'm sick of working.. my bro's sick of working. We want to do something different. And the first thing that came to mind was opening up a small business.. or.. dagang. Nah.. dad was gonna take me n malv around today.. but malv didn't wanna go. So ended up being me n dad. We had a good look around. He bought the miniatur water fountain from FulSun. It cost him quite a bit. But he wanted to try selling em. And I totally agree that those fountains could bring us abit of money.

Well.. he's getting better now.. and I hope I can keep him from thinking about his sickness. He'll be okay I think. I HOPE!!!

Anyway... life's going ok now.. I'm loving my home!! I miss eman.. but in the same time enjoy the peace in this house.. I have the whole house to myself so I can work on my project. Well malv's here.. but he's my bro.. i was around him everyday anyway.. so yea.. I get use to it.

Ni ari.. I did some more planning. And.. I'm going to research of what I can sell best on sunday market this sunday, before yum cha for sincia breakfast wif mom n dad. Tomoz.. i have no plan.. duu kapan ye i'll get rich? hate being poor ni!

Uda ah.. I better get some sleep so I can think more tomorrow.. Pokoknya... rich or die trying!! *50 Cent abis* haha

2006-01-20T14:11:00.000+13:00

Ga krasa ya.. udah tgl 20 January lagi. Waktu tuh lewat cepet abis. I think this year is not going as great as i thought it would be.

It's only the 20th of Jan.. and there are so much bad things going on. Well.. sad to be precise. Dad's sick.. and it depresses me so badly. I'm so not ready to loose him anytime soon.
I was sooo stupid though. He came to my place and talked to me.. and he told me that he has a feeling that he won't live for long anymore.. but I just sat there saying "hmm.." and he probably thinks that I don't care.. and i'm ready for him to go.. when I DO CARE and I AIN'T READY to loose him!!! I should've said something more encouraging!!! I should!!! Something like... "No! U're not dying" or something.. but i can't believe i just sat there and agreed! :(
I can't loose him.. he's the stone of my life.. what am i gonna hold on to if he's not here anymore?? :( He has alwiz been here for me.. he answers every question I ask.. he's everything to me! :(
I'm soooo needy though :( I probably shouldn't. I don't know what to say to him.. or what to do.. :(

On top of it.. Eman's going back to Indonesia for good. My heart's pumping everytime I remember. I'm broken hearted. He's my good friend!! :( It'll be sad seeing his room tomorrow.. it'll be empty... and tomorrow.. he won't walk around the house anymore.. he won't annoy me anymore.. I really think of him as a good friend of mine. Maybe my bro. :( It's so sad.. and breaking my heart. I'm sure edo and others feel the same. He's a great person. It's so sad to live without him anymore. :(

I was sooo motivated doing my project and stuff.. and now i'm just down. I'm just.. sad I think.. I know it won't be like this forever.. I know i'm gonna be okay.. but for now.. I think i'm allowed to have time to be sad and get over all this...

New Year!!! -=2006=-

2006-01-06T17:19:00.000+13:00

OMG!!! Can't believe it's 2006 now!!!

Too longgggg to write.. I'll just share abit of my NYE wif ya!

Mom and dad picked me up @ 9 pm.. OFF we went to the city.. looked around for a good spot to sell our shits. We called em New Year Needs.. :P *Trumpets, Flash Balls, Lollies, Hat*
They dropped us off at Victoria St. underneath that Bungie thingy close to sky tower.. We managed to sell abit.. well... we got our money back.. and we got a bit of profit out of that. Too bad we didn't sell any of the lollies though.. but who cares!! WE didn't loose any money at least!! :D

11.50PM we moved up abit.. right underneath sky tower we were trying to sell the rest of our trumpets.. and we packed up soon after that. MIDNIGHT i was rite underneath sky tower with malvin. That was aweeeesssoooomeee!!! I saw the fireworks.. and everybody were shouting.. and I felt their joy!! It was worth the sweat.!! I luved it!!!

Ben *my friend* picked us up after that.. Went to Vic Park where mom n dad were. I got change inside the car.. put make up on.. and off we went. We shot rite to Kiss Bar!!! It was awesome awesome awesome new year!!! I didn't use any illegal drug yo! I was being good!!!! HOHOHO!! I was on party pills.. that's all.. at least it made me happy :D 8 hours high up on the sky! Was cool..

Anyway... talking about new year.. a new beggining.. I have New Year Resolutions! To be success! To Be a better person! And to have a better Life! FOR SURE!!!
I've been doing my homework.. research for the new project I'm doing. I'm aiming for good life ay this year! I hate fuckin working at SUBWAY! I hate washing fuckin dishes! I hate serving customers in fast food place! FUCK! TIME TO CHANGE! I'm going on 22!! In 4 months I will be 22.. I gotta be success dude!! This is friday.. I have tomorrow and sunday left to have fun and be cruisy. Monday.. I'll be REALLYYY BUZYYY dude!! I'm gonna start doing whatever I gotta do! I hate sitting on my bum all day being poor and thinking when the fuck do i win lotto?? Coz i won't win 1. And I shud do something in order to go a level up!!

Pokoknyaaaaaaaaaaa taon ini... NO MORE LAZY BUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mulai senen.. harus sibuk!!! Kalo ga sibuk! Gw harus heran knapa gw ga sibuk!! Udah gila apa?? Mo sukses tapi santai di hari biasa?? GA BISA!!!

Oh iya.. gw juga barusan kenal sama importer barang2 dari china.. everything made in china u name it... nah.. pikiran.. sblon gw jadi mapan.. gw pengen jualan tiap hari minggu di Sunday Market.. ambil barang dari importer tsb.. and start jualan bo!!!!!!!! Pokoknya anything yg bisa datengin duit!!! Jualan KOLORRRR keq!

HOHOHO.. anyway.. dah ah.. kpanjangan nih... gw dah cape bo... dah mo pergi kerja nih. Oh iya minggu depan mo apply for my restricted license nih... wish me luck!! :D

CIAO -mayrhinne-

2005-12-20T11:28:00.000+13:00

GoSoNg Booo!!!!!

2005-12-20T11:23:00.000+13:00

Edo_MaY Well.. u can see my sunburn there. huh? Shoot.. I wish I'm this brown all the time.

More Story....

2005-12-20T10:04:00.000+13:00

Ok ok.. here's more story....

On the 14/12 I went to Waiheke Island to go fishing! Can u believe it?? I actually was keen to go fishing?????? But yea.. I did. 6am.. i showered.. put on my togs/bikini.. and of course my cloths, orite?
I brought some food for the boys n myself of course.. then I packed myself a backpack which had 'crayon' - comic book, digi-cam, my fone, my wallet, sketch book, papers, pen, pencil, and.. make-up & bra & undies &towel *incase i would swim* . I brought all that coz i thought.. at least when the boys go fishing.. i would be able to read crayon.. or sketch some more work onto the business.. or write down ideas... or whatever i could do. I mean.. paper/sketch book and pen/pencil.. I cud sit in the library for ages... and ages.. doing something with just those.. so I thought those things would help me do the same at the beach.
Honestly.. I thought it was just gonna be just o'rite. I didn't really favor fishing. Weren't really my hobby or anything. I just went coz Edo kind of wanted me to go. I wasn't sure then.

Ok.. off I go! Went on the road... then we got to the harbour or more like.. ferry station in Viaduct (downtown). I luvvvvv the clock tower building somehow. It left me quite abit of memories there.. very cool. We bought subway for breakfast!! YEAH!! SUBWAY!! I knew all the menus by heart already. Coz I work there of course. I started to enjoy the day! Was fun. Then we all met up not to far from the place we were catching the ferry from.. then yeap.. OFF!!! On the ferry we were. I had good talk with my hubby for probably the first time in life LOL.. nah.. joke.. But yea.. I don't have daily convo with edo ay. We find it hard to communicate sometimes. We talked normal subject. E.g: food, drink, sleep, work, bla bla bla bla.. u know.. easy topic. Then 'I love u' and 'goodnite' and 'good morning'. I could count with my fingers how many time we had good convo together. Seriously.. I don't think edo is a talky talky person.. and he's scared to talk about deep emotion.. Like.. if we talk.. then I suddenly change topic to something that relates to how he feels or something.. he would stay quite.. or change the subject... and I know he doesn't talk about big subject usually.. he's pretty shallow ay.. :P *let's keep it between us ok?* haha.. But yea.. i had good talk with him in the ferry then. So it's cool.
When we got there.. I was watching what they were doing, then scott 1 of our mate who took us there asked me if i wanted to fish live bait. And i wasn't that keen.. coz i didn't know how to fish at all.. but hey.. he thought me how to do it.. and I started to catch piper.. *i think i spell it rite* then all little fish as live baits. AWESOME! I cought a few. In few hours I felt tired.. so I went to a steady sorta place to lie on. I put my sunny on.. and thought.. 'fuck, won't get sunburn, nice day, but cloudy, won't get sunburn at all' so i lied down... and yeappp fell asleep rite under the bloody sun for 3 hours mate!! I woke up coz my body was sore.. I saw my hands.. and thought.. 'i'm darker but not burnt' then I went and cought more live baits.. then we were off. When we sit at the beach before we climbed up to where we got taxi.. I could feel all the pain on my skin.. on my whole body.. i looked at my shoulder... replace the string of my bikini.. and there i relised that i had sunburn.. i went SOOOOO bloody black!!!!!!!!!! nah.. more like... orange... coz it wasn't just brown/black.. it was redddddddddd too!!! so.. i was orange.
I went home... took a cold shower.. and put lotsa cream. I coulnd't move for about 2 days.. and then it peeled. My back's still pealing. Kinda itchy. But I had awesome awesome day ay. Was an experience.
And 18/12 on sunday... edo took me to boat trip with his work mates. It was work xmas function. The boat costed 2 grand for a whole day trip. We had free fingerfood.. free alcohols.. free BBQ for dinner.. and yea I drank quite a lot too but slow.. and funny that was the first time I didn't go red after drinking. The boat was quite big to fit 30 of us.. the food were yummmyyy! And alcohol.. haha couldn't say no to champagne ay. After they found good spot to stop the boat, we all just talked, ate dinner, drank some more :P And half of us went swimming in the sea. Edo got pushed by corey *1 of his co-worker* with his full clothes on. His t-shirt, pants with his ciggies and wallet inside, his socks and his shoes... everything!! He looked surprised when he just got in the water.. and he looked angry for 2 seconds.. and i thought.. WOOPPP not funny.. he was gonna smash corey or something.. but after 3 seconds.. what a relief.. he laughed. He was drunk... but poor baby he was freezing his ass of! I took of my clothes and jumped in the water too. After swimming i felt so much better.. and I should say that was awesome day too. I got to know more people.. and they were educated people who don't talk shit all day! I get tired talking shit all day sometimes.. haha.
So.. yea.. i went home... and i was more burnt this time.. crazy crazy day... was cool too!

So.. i had awesome week last week. I luv my life ay. I just don't relise it sometimes. I have so much colours in my life. So many things happened.. bad and good! Bad things thought me how to be a stronger and better person. Good things left memories in heart. I'm looking forward to the next, to the future. I have my board ready to take on big waves.. and i coudn't wait to swim through the big ocean! I'm so ready!! :)

2005-12-12T12:55:00.000+13:00

Bro.. n Me...

2005-12-12T12:53:00.000+13:00

I luvvvvvv beaches... especially summer time like now...

2005-12-12T12:51:00.000+13:00

I really think bro shud take photography... He has got the basic.. tinggal dipolish dikit aze..

2005-12-06T22:43:00.000+13:00

This is my bedroom!! Luvvv my PB Bunny!! Was pressie from Eka & Nanda and see my cute lion.. hehe.. it was from Harry/Bocop my BEST BUDDY!!!!

Time to change...

2005-12-06T21:43:00.000+13:00

Hey... at the moment.. nothing's really cool...

Since I came back from Indo.. I actually think about wether i wanna go back to school this year... or.. work full time/part time and continue studying next year..
And I think... I've decided to go back to course next year. And while I have lotsa spare time.. I'm going to work part time.. and use the other 3/4 of the time to set up a business. Just a little one.. and there are so much to do.. for such a little business even.

I think this 1 here is not too far to catch though.. it's a piece of cake.. I'll be able to do it. I just have to pull things together.. and actually do it. I gotta stay focus and motivated!! I mean.. it's time to change!!! I hate working for other people for many hours.. and get little amount of money.. F*** that!!! I really need to do this project!!!!

Wish me luck every1. I will spill it out when the time's right. :)

2005-11-29T13:59:00.000+13:00

May n Best Cuz Reska!!!

2005-11-29T13:49:00.000+13:00

Rin n Fer *coverpage 2005* LOL.. toss dulu dong ferry yayank cc heriheirhei... ADUH!!! This is the Narciest cuz i've ever had... he's sooooo cooollll!!! :D

2005-11-29T13:37:00.000+13:00

Jupra_DoWeR

2005-11-29T13:34:00.000+13:00

Nonie and Rhinne

2005-11-29T13:32:00.000+13:00

Rin n Ama (MIRIP GA???) :P *nanya lagi!*

2005-11-29T13:28:00.000+13:00

This is me and aie Hanny :)

Indo Story :P

2005-11-29T12:30:00.000+13:00

Ok.. like i said before.. hubby can't really stop me writting blogger.

Daym.. I wrote some crazy thing when i feel down... please.. reader.. I didn't mean it :P mouse and cat are friends now :P

Anyway....... I went back to indo for 6 weeekkksss!!! That was awesome!!!! It has been awhile, you know?
I mean.. I came here when i was 14.. it was in 1998.. gue masi kecil.. masi ngikut ortu.. di indo pun gue ga bisa ngapa2in, ga tau jalan, ga tau jakarta tuh pegimane dehhh... buta... trus di NZ baru kan noh.. gue tau pergi2.. making friends.. etc.. jadi gw dikit2.. pelan2 lupa keidupan jakarta tuh begimane..
Then.. i went back home for 3 weeks when i was 17 i think.. that time... kayaknya ga terlalu berkesan buat gue. Waktu itu.. gue masi teenager.. gue masi blon grow up heheh.. masi demen yg namanya cowo.. and gue emang pulang buat ketemu cowo gue.. and putus pun.. gue ketemu cowo laen.. and pas balik ke NZ.. gw ketemu cowo lagi.. yg skarang jadi hubby gw.. jadi indo tuh bener2 ga berkesan waktu itu other than broken hearted... and makanannye kali ye......

Nah.. kmaren gw pulang lagi.. I got there on the 2nd of Oct.. and I was there until 15th of Nov.. That was AWESOME!! I met my friends... like.. S.M.P friends... I met some of my internet friends.. but it wasn't like that ok? it was different.. I actually just wanted to meet.. nothing more.. just tried to make more friends :)

I really luv the mall in indo.. lots of stuffs u can get... not like here.. haha.. But.. they really shud sell pulsa more.. coz it was hard! Like.. in here.. u cud get pulsa from petrol station/dairy/supermarket/etc.. everywhere really!!
Trus.. I luvvvvvvvvvv eatting place there.. Gading Batavia, Benton Junction, KTS... LOL they were all new to me!!! Not that the food is really good.. it was ok.. but the place is cool i think..

Indo is good for holiday.. but i don't think i cud ever live there.... lifestyle's pretty sad in a way.. I talked about this to my friend before.. jakarta is like.. NEW YORK city dude!! Everything's branded.. and competitions are so high. In here.. I cud go with my lusuh jeans.. a tang top.. with jacket.. and jandals and go to the mall... but there... if i do that.. ppl proly gimme this head-toe overlook.. haha.. so i didn't dare to wear something lancai abis.. even though for sum ppl.. they still think i wear very lancai clothes... daym!! I can say.. Jakarta is very glamourous city.. but.. I luv it how it never sleeps... it's alive 24/7.. you can never be bored living there i think. And it's veryyyyyyy busy.. it gives you motivation!
I just think i see another different part of the world... lifestyle is very different... people.. are very different. It was just.... almost new things for me to see.

I was happy to meet all my families there.. my aunts.. my cousins.. I remember back when we were little.. mom and aunts use to take care all of the children together.. and we went places together.. e.g: puncak, bandung, pangandaran, lampung, bali etc... I luveddddd it!!! I went to puncak with aie&hubby, ieie&hubby, fer, jeff, res, and grandpa. I felt as if it was 10 years ago!!!! That was cool!!! I missed it.. I want that back... but really if i thought about it.. I really shudn't want it back.. coz it changes now rite? Life goes on.. I move on... and.. so on..
Reska is coming to NZ soon i think.. I luv it.. I miss her the most!!! She's my best cuz.. 7 months younger than me... we use to go places together.. curhat bout million things!!! Was awesome!!!

Then.. I met.. Ko Hero *Errr i miss u heapssss koko!!!! Sayang cumen ktemu bbrp menit jg yah.. coz we both were bz... tp gpp i gave u the chocolates :P this is koko from brapa taon yg lalu.. he brought me mpe2 everytime he came visit me last time.. but this time.. he cudn't visit.. it's okay.. i understand :) at least we met hehehe... he's a good bro to have. Sorry ya bro.. next time!! :)* trus.. Ko Wie *HOOHOH I meant to meet this bro here.. bout 7 years ago.... but NEVER EVER once we met.. until pulang kmaren ini.. same thing.. only 10 minutes... coz Koko Bemby my cuz wanted to go home.. and they were waiting.. dammit..!! It's ok too.. next time may come home indo lagi.. i'll spear time for ya! :) sorry yah koko*
Trus.. I missed meeting.. Ko Fudi, Ko chalez, Ko JIMMY (this 1 juga pgn ktemu dr dulu kaga jadi2.. this time pun ga jadi!!), IRMA, LYDIA, VINNA...
ah pokoknya banyak dehhhh yg missed... EEK! *oopss* sebel tau ga.. I wanted to go back for holiday... and then.. i was like.. given rules "have to stay in inlaws plc.. blah blah blah.. have to go bogor for treatment.. blah blah blah.. have to.. have to... have to.. have to..!!! FUCK have to!!! I'm an adult.. i suppose to be able to do whatever i want to do!!! I was stupid too... coz i did whatever they asked me to do.. dammit.. o well.. i'm human..i make mistake :P

WOW.. it's long already.. i gotta shower now.. so... yea.. :)

Ini apa ya???

2005-09-01T11:25:00.000+12:00

"Little mouse found a cat who fell deep into a well. They looked into each other, little mouse wondered why cat didn't eat her. He was hurt.. his 4 legs were broken...
With all kindness of her heart, she brought him food everyday.. made sure he's warm.. and comforted him when he's sad and lonely. She was very curious about him.. passionate about him.. she kneeled down and prayed for him so he can walk again someday..
He luvs her badly.. cares about her badly.. tells her how much he loves and cares about her everyday... BUT when he was hurt, he turns into a mean mean giant cat.
Once again little mouse gives herself to him, loving him for what he is..
One time.. they found a way out the well.. she brought cat out with her.. and soon cat made lots of friends. Cat loves all his new companians. Even though he tries to also give little mouse the best thing he could give her, she knows he tries but it's just not good enough for her.. very sad little mouse.. expects cat to do the same things she did in return..
But what could they do? cat will always be a cat... mouse will always be a mouse..
She's very sad.... very sad she doesn't know what to do anymore.. she wants to leave but who's going to help cat walking?? His 4 legs were broken.. is he going to die starving without her finding food for him??
She's hurt... she find all her friends and try to talk to them.. but she's still confused.. what should she do??
1 thing she relised though... that she's a little mouse.. he's a cat.. she didn't love him.. she was just very curious.. and envy him before.. but never loved him"

WoW!!! It has been a longgggg time....

2005-07-05T02:07:00.000+12:00

Hey finally.. I'm writting another part of journey...
Ever since my course started, I've been buzyyy.. no time to play... no time to do anything else, especially I've just got a new part time job too.
Yeah.. life is hard.. money doesn't come from sky... and skill and knowledge don't automatically come into brain..
I go to course 5 days a week.. part time job wed/fri/sat... I'm buzy 6 full days every week... It's so unfair actually... but somehow I feel better than work a lil wif a lil more money... coz i did use to just work part time and get benefit.. which give me more income than what i get now. The cool this is.. I'm productive.. my value is more.. i dont' feel useless anymore...
That's abit about work....
Now.. relationship... errrr... If i'm honest... I'm just ok.. i'm not happy.. i'm not sad.. i'm just.. numb for the time being.. Lots of things I have to adjust.. *u know, part as being in a relationship - getting use to each other* We're in mmm... what shud i call it?.... mmm.... growing stage... where he's really getting to know the whole me.. and I'm getting to know the whole him.. the biggest problem is... we're both young.. we don't even know fully who we are yet... so i'm happy that we're growing up together.. we're adjusting ourself before we were fixed.. the sad part is.. we're both stubborn.. and sometimes we hurt each other without meaning to do so..
Financially..... we're soooooooooooooo poorrrrrrrrrrrrrrr at the mmt!!! I wish money just grow like trees... i wish!!!!!!! So I can pay my credit card, make my new driving license, make my NZ passport, pay uncle & auntie, Sis Shez and Collin back for a bit of money that i owe.. and after that.. start my life from 0 again. I'm MINUS!!!! I'm struggling to get back to 0!!! ERRR it's so depressing!!!
Yea.. at the moment.. my life is... not that great... shall i say? but i know.. it'll be fixed.. there'll be a way.. and in the end.. i hope everything is going to be okay.......

The day I can never forget...

2005-05-18T00:17:00.000+12:00

14th May 2005.. that's the day I did the celebration of my bday... Busy more than ever.. tired more then ever...

9 pm.. my heart was pumping.. n pumping.. i was soo nervous.. I thought.. maybe everybody will show up really late.. or maybe.. they won't come.. or maybe.. they will and there'll be too many ppl.. I was so scared... dammit..

by 9.45 we started our performance. I was shaking when i talked my first word. ERRR.. very awkward..
But then performance went really really good.. THUMBS UP and BIG THX for 'BAND 6' they were AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also for Leidi.. very beautiful voice.. bit nervous.. but hey!! ppl love her anyway :D
As me n malvin.. we were singing ok. We were happy for what we did.. even tho i didn't hit the high note.. LOL but we did ok. :P
Performance were finished.. I cut cake.. and that was all.. bit of slow dancing together..... and that's all..

11 Pm I was nervous again!!! I was like.. O GOSH.. will the strippers come? will they be really late? will it be an awesome performance? will my parents and other parents be ok about it? ERRRR i was scared.. but it went ok.. too....

Now.. overall.. I was happy with the whole thing.. but... I lost Edo's phone.. and we had bit of err.. financial problem.. we were short heapsssssss.. but I learn.
I pissed Edo off.. bout the phone n his money too.. I owed abit to my landlords too.. err I'm so stupid when it comes to money matters.. errr

I'm actually stil feeling weird right now.. I got sick too.. I've slept for about 24 hours since yesterday.. errr.. I don't know what to write anymore now hoho...
Oh yea.. photos are up in multiply.com.. but i haven't developed the rest of the photos yet. I'll let ya know :)

Oh yea.. i've started my course too yesterday. It was awesome!!! Tomorrow we're going to children playground.. we're learning about hazards and stuff that could harm children. I'm enjoying this course at the moment. Hopefully this is gonna be the last course and I would continue staying in 1 job.. :)
For now... CIAOOOOOOOOOOO

Today feels strange

2005-05-10T11:26:00.000+12:00

Hey.. it's the 10th May.. My birthday. But today feels so strange. Firstly because everybody are excited for the 14th May (the big party to celebrate "my bday"), even myself. Some of them greeted me already.. but some thought my bday is probably on the 14th. LOL but.. doesn't matter.. :P

Last night Eman n Helen came.. I wonder what they were gonna do... but they were all being good. I had shower in Lyd's coz no hot water in here.. and they didn't throw egg.. or anything else on me hahaha...

For the 14th... everything's going as i want it to be at the moment. I can't sleep thinking about it... It's gonna be a big party. Tonight is the final meeting for it. I hope we come to the last decision for everything we gotta do on the day.
Now.. I'm just waiting for Helen to show up here.. we're going shoes n jewelleries shopping today... wahooooooo!!! can't wait already :D

Anyway.. that's all I gotta write for now.. CIAOOOOOO

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Hanz: I haven't had the party yet! It's saturday. My bday is today.. but we're having the party saturday. I'll take lotsa pics. And put it on the computer.. FOR SURE!!! Just wait k hanz? :D DEYYYYY
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Apa Yah???? :P

2005-05-03T15:05:00.000+12:00

Ni ari... baru bisa tenang... Ga kmana2.. except ada date sama cika ntar malem :P
Tapi kayaknya gw kudu beresin rumah deyyy.. Terlalu excited sama saturday... gw jadi ga beres2 rumah, ga cuci baju, ga ngapa2in basicllyyy..
ERMMM...
What do i wanna write today?
Just... thx for ppl who visit this site and actually pay attention to what I write in here.. make me feel special :)
I feel great lately. Like Sis'la said.. I just felt like shit becoz I didn't have anything to look forward to. I worked in a market research company, do surveys. Good pay.. Easy job.. but hateeeeeeeeeeeeee the *ring ring* part.. it goes on and on and on... hate hate hate it!!!!!!!!
I stayed there for about 7 months, and it brought me down!
My course's starting on the 16th may 2005, it'll be awesome.. I wanna be a nanny this time :P I luv kids.. so I thought I give it a go. Hopefully I'll finish the course and stay in the job for agesssssssssssssssss............. I want a baby!!! :P
I feel the excitement again.. I'm alive again... LOL!! Looking forward to my 21st Birthday.. busy organising this and that.. looking forward to my course... i just feel so great in the last few days!!! :D
For now.. I gtg... trying to clean up the mess in the house. :) CIAOOOOOO

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Hanz: yes.. u did see that. Guess what? My mom n dad will be there too!!! WAHOOO!!!! It'll be awesome. Them watching the stripshow LOL!!! Funny tho. THey use to say no to everything i wanna do.. and i use to just have fun wif friends, I mean.. understandable that parents don't like what the kids like. But this time.. it'll be awesome.. they'll watch stripshow with me AND my friends :) HANZ I WISH U'RE HERE!!! but sorry.. i can't send u plane ticket :P
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Tet Tot Tet Tot

2005-04-30T12:34:00.000+12:00

Hey. It has been a long time since I wrote my last 1. I've been buzy organising things for my 21st Bday party. It's gonna be big and awesome!! STRIPSHOW!!! LOL
For now that's all I can say.. that I'm busy, and I don't think I can't blog often.

AUCKLANDER (open party):
My 21st Bday Party
Westhaven Marina
Saturday, 14th May 2005
9pm - 2.30am
Dresscode: Red & Black (Semi-Formal)

May 021 134 8511 / Edo 021 484 688

THXXX :)

I dunno what I'm gonna write today :P

2005-04-22T15:11:00.000+12:00

Hey guys... time for me to write sum good shit this time, huh? I've been lost for awhile.

People say life is up and down. It really is. Last year I went into a stage where I thought I found myself... I knew who I am.. and I was on the highest point of loving myself... that actually went for a long time too.. about 7 months, everywhere I went to, whatever I did, felt like the best.. (kata orang indo.. PD ABIES :P)

Until Edo went to Indo. He was there for 7 weeks. On the 1st day I started dropping... 2nd week I was stressed for abit... I didn't think it was becoz of him though.. I just thought value for myself dropped to where it started.. Everything went wrong.. And I got sick for awhile.. on the 5th week.. I was really depressed. I started to go back to the old me.. I had eatting problem about 2 years ago. I went to therapy for abit and I was back to normal. But somehow.. when I got depressed which is very seldom, my old self come back to me. Seems like I have 2 different person inside me. One side of me knows what's wrong and what's right, and seems like she always pick the right thing to do. But another one side of me is really really bad!! She wud take over me, do something I don't want to do. But then... she doesn't come very often. Just when everything goes wrong.. she wud come. She'll be in charge with whatever I do.
But the good thing is.. I can always push her aside whenever I want. Sometimes.. it's just cool to sit back behind.. not in control of things I do.. Just let her do whatever.. but when things go to far, I can alwiz push her aside.

When Edo was in indo.. she just comes and goes.. but not anymore. Seems like I'm in control of myself now. Well.. kinda!
But I can't sleep for days n days already now... dont' worry though.. I wud find out what's going on sooner or later..
Woww!! I dun really suppose to tell this to people, do I? mmmm... o well... :D

Anyway.. it was Edo's bday yesterday.. I have some new photos uploaded!!!! Check them out! Just Click on: My Photos, on the right hand side of this page. :)
CIAOOOOO

Back in those dayz....

2005-04-21T15:35:00.000+12:00

Pinoy N CaPin!!!!
Buat Capin: Hehehehe.. Inget ga poto way back jaman kebo pin? Skrg somseh.. dah balik ke JKT lupa deh sama kite2 yg di NZ!!!!!
Know what??? I really miss ya!!!! REAAALLLLYYY REAAALLYY MIISSSS YAA!!! :)

YaYaNkZzZ BDaYyYyY

2005-04-21T14:41:00.000+12:00

21 April 2005
Happy Bday To Ya
Happy Bday To Ya
Happy Bday Dear Edo!!!!
Happy Bday To Yaaaaaa

Happy Bday cayang, smoga umur tambah gede, jadi tambah dewasa, tambah kalem, tambah bisa pake otak, tambah baik, tambah cayang sama aku and... tambah lebih bisa atur waktu dalem idup!!! :D
Pesen trakhir.. yang slalu aku bilang tiap ari... tiap saat.. dan di acara apapun.. I LUB YA BERRYYYYY BERRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY MUCHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Just Like You LUB ME BEEEERRRYYYYYYY BEEEERRRRYYYYY MUCHHHHHHH :)

----------------------------------------------

Now.. we were gonna go lunch at 1? But daym.. I couldn't fall asleep the whole nite last nite. I fell asleep maybe at 11.30am, and woke up 1PM, before that was just.. snooze.. snooze.. I dunno why. I want to say becoz I was too excited.. but the thing is.. last nite wasnt' the first nite I couldn't sleep. I've had this for about a week now. If I do fall asleep fast, I have bad dreams, or maybe I sleep on top of my arm so I wake up in the middle of the nice deep sleep becoz I have pins n needles... What is wrong with me lately??

If you read that and think I have Insomnia.. you might be rite, but I don't believe so. Usually wherever I am.. whatever time it is.. I'd fall asleep in about 3 mins once I've got a pillow.
Every night Edo asks me to tug him in, goodnite kiss, and rub his back or his head till he fall asleep.. but i never succeed. I usually tug him in, goodnite kiss, and rub his back for bout 3 times then I fall asleep before him.

My wisdom tooth's coming out, I feel the pain sometimes. But not as much as the first day anymore. I have headache now and bit of sore throat sometimes.. Maybe that explains why I can't sleep every night lately. I do kinda feel that I go through growing up moment.. think alil bit differently.. Dammit I dunno actually.. I really dunno what's going on at the moment. I'm sooooo moodyyyy... Sooooo sensitive... I think I'm going a lil insane here!!!

I don't have much problem if I think about it.. but I dunno why I'm soooo deppresseddd!!! And I kinda blame it on Edo. I know it's not his fault. He has been really really good to me. But everytime I feel sad or grumpy or hurt, I dunno why I turn around to Edo and just be angry at him for no reason. I love him dearly.. and I think.. I'm having mmm what do u call it? Unstable moment where I need a lot of thinking and I need space for meself.. and I need quiteness... to find myself.. I think I need a holiday from being a student, being a worker, being a wife, being a leader of the house whatever you call it. Seems like I'm carrying too much on my shoulder at the mmt actually.. I need a holiday. THE WORST THING IS!!! Living in this house.. full of mess and everybody's just pissing me off!!! I don't mean it... I really don't.... I just need to move out. I can't handle living wif so many boys.. I don't hate em, but I hate the situation I'm at rite now :(

Hey.. it's suppose to be a happy day today.. and I'm still angry.. mmmhhh!!! I think not enough sleep last nite. Anyway.. Edo's still asleep.. I'm gonna go and buy a bday cake.. refresh my mind from this sh*t house!! :D
For now.. CIAOOOO!!!!!!

VAN'LA BDAY!!!!!

2005-04-20T15:23:00.000+12:00

19th April 2005
Happy Bday To You...
Happy Bday To You.......
Happy Bday
DEAR VAN'LA!!!!!!!!!
Happy Bdayyy TOoooo Youuuuu.....
HOHOHOHO.. That's for yah, bro...

Monday - Didn't do anyfhing.. just had meeting wif Sarah till 7.30PM.. got home and remember that TUESDAY 19th is Van's Bday...
I quickly went to supermarket, got a cake, some candles and some water balloons.
11.40PM, I filled up all water balloons.. and then went inside.
I be nice first. Brought cake out at 12AM and sang happy bday.. and said: "let's go out for a ciggie, bro" Went out..
And.. SPLASHHH SPLASHHHHH!!!!!!!!! LOL WATER BOMBS!!!!!!!!!
After that cutting cake.. and I said.. "First bite for luck"
Justtt when he was about to eat it.. I hit his hand, so he got cake all over his face!!!! HAHAH!!
Then I took out a bottle of wine for him and SHOOK it harddddd before that... and he opened it. LOL

Anyway.. that was the bday gift from the whanau!! HAPPY 14th BDAY.. Hope this year you've got better luck of finding girls.. :D
LUV YA ALWIZ!!! FROM: SIS MAY n BRO EDO :D

sigh NGELUHHH mulu kerjaan gw!

2005-04-14T12:58:00.000+12:00

Gileeeeeee!!! Idup tuh kocak juga kalo dipikir2. Gw tuh tiap hari ngeluh.. tapi pasti tiap hari gw juga ketawa.. and juga senyum. gw ga pernah depressi sampe pengen gantung diri. *amit2* HIHIHIHI!!! Buat gw idup tuh susah.. tapi banyak kesan and kenangan.. Keep me going!! :)

Pandangan gw dalam masa pertumbuhan tuh yaa...... hmmm.....

Jadi bocah.. susah! SKOLAAAA mulu!! Cita2 mo jadi pelukis.. disuruh blajar matematika / mo jadi pemain bola.. disuruh blajar IPA *MISALNYA*
Tapi.. enak.. karna bisa maen2 lari2, kliatan kolor juga peduli setan, masi unyil iniy, ya ga???

Jadi remaja.. parah!! Masa2 banyak banget pertanyaan buat diri sendiri.. mo apa2 rasanya serba salah.. srasa kaga jelas. Kaga tau jati diri. Moody. Pengen keren, pengen happy, ikut2an temen... jadi aneh and ga jelas. Banyak yg ngira norak.. LOL
Enaknya apa ya? Itu tuh.. ktemu si "first lov" and ngrasain first butterfly in the tummy!! AIHHH... MUAHAHAH.. deg2an kayak mo copot jantung!! For some maybe ngrasain orgasm dari blajar masturbasi hahahahah!!! Trutama cowo2 yg baru blajar c*li :P

Jadi young adult apa ya bahasa indonye? Ya apalah itu... ga happy juga.. masa2 banyak komplen! Badan kependekan/ktinggian.. salah! *yg pendek mikir, gila dah bangkotan badan gw masi sgini.. yg tinggi mikir, knapa tlat ye stop numbuhnye* Kegendutan/kekurusan... komplen juga! *kaga pede!* Gigi blakang numbuh.. sakittttttt ampoen2!!
Enaknya? Ga ada enaknya ah buat gw.. mmm palingan cuma masuk club dah legal, masa2 cobain itu tuh.. yg kayak bedak2 putih gitu, apa yg putih2 kecil kayak little panadol gitu..

Nah.. gw ini lagi di masa jalan ke keidupan dewasa.. tapi blon.. blon sampe. Gw tuh lagi moody abissss. Blon kokoh foundationnya :)

Gw pengen tau ntar masa adult tuh rasanya kayak apa. Kalo denger sih sering.. tapi ngalamin belon.. so.. I hope.. suka duka juga tetep ada. Kalo suka doang.. bosen.. duka doang.. depressi dong... ya ga?

Oh syitt.. 1.30PM waktunya mandi.. karna harus jemput ade2.. ciaooo!! :)

P.S: maap ya dear readers.. gw ni ari bangun kepagian.. jadi ngomong ceplas ceplos aje.. Maapin kite kalo ada salah2 kate yeee

2005-04-13T23:55:00.000+12:00

MaY_Edo April 2005

WeDnEsDaY!!!!! I LuV WeDnEsDaY!!

2005-04-13T09:30:00.000+12:00

Hohoho.. wednesday.. I haven't got work today.. all cool.. :D

Last night me n lyd downloaded another 25 songs?? And I still think I haven't got enough songs in my computer. So.. I keep downloading today as well.

I woke up 7am this morning.. heated up breakfast for Edo.. made coffee for us.. and said goodbye. He goes to course on wed/thu. And I've been cleaning up since then. It's now 9.30. I'm looking forward to see lyd. We're going to see this lady about her ante-natal classes. I'm sooooo looking forward to her giving birth to "UCUP" :P

I'm listening to songs I've downloaded last night. At the moment, playing: Siti Nurhaliza - Bukan Cinta Biasa. THUMBS UP for that girl there. She's a good singer.. beautiful voice!! DAYM pretty too!!! Go Go SITI NURHALIZA!!
Talking about music.. I'm into everything that sounds good. But I would prefer slowrock and lagu indo!! I hate dangdut, kroncong, jele mele songs LOL. GOSH!

HEY it's 9.45am, I better go and get ready. She'll be here at around 10am, so.. CIAO!! :D

2005-04-07T11:11:00.000+12:00

~MaLPiNo~ Bro

2005-04-07T11:08:00.000+12:00

DaDDaY

2005-04-07T11:05:00.000+12:00

MoMMy

MoNeY.. CoMe To Me PLsSsSss!!

2005-04-07T02:28:00.000+12:00

SyiiiTT... I've been supporting ma'self since I was 15. I worked and paid for my high-school fee my own.. then I worked to give mum n dad board money (sorta rent money to live in their house, also to kinda help em out).. after awhile I moved out.. I live by my own when I was 17, since then.. I never depend on my parents no more.. especially when I'm married now.. syitt....

I'm quite proud of myself though. 15 was such a young age to start standing up with my own 2 feet. But I did it :D
Poor.. but comfortable.. (age 20 now). My goal is to not be poor and have 2 kids, live a good life by age 25... and hopefully be rich (not too rich) by age 30.. :)

For now.. I gotta keep trying :P

TETANUS??!!???!!!

2005-04-05T16:40:00.000+12:00

Heyyy... I guess I just haven't really been into this blogger anymore few days ago. As you guys know, I'm on and off.. :P

Anyway.. me, Edo and Yanto went to Taz & Lyd's, they played PS2, and girlz gossiped. We went home about... 2AM. And at home we talked about our high-school moment. How we got caught smoking by the teacher. I got good slaps from Mam. Liana, I think she's not as nasty as I thought but I still think she was abit too much. How we wagged from school.. not me hehehe.. I was good.. (nah, more like mom forced us to go school every day). And how the boyz had fights all the time. Yanto went to Noter for Junior and Loren for Senior. Edo.. hmm.. he went to lotsa dif. places I can say. Tarsi II, then bla bla bla bla.. STM... then got sent to Padang (where he's from).. and flew back to indo and finished his senior high at.. uhmm daym i forgot the name. We talkeddd and talkedddd and talkeddd till bout 4.30AM i think..

Anddddd.. while we talked, I was playing with my TOE NAILS! Grabbed myself a scissor from the kitchen, and it was rusty, but I thought o well, not like I'm gonna cut myself with it. Few minutes later... ARGHHH I CUT MYSELF!! And today.. I aint at work... :( I had fever.. and I shivered whole morning.. I couldn't sleep.. HUHUHUHUHU.... I just hope I don't have TETANUS!!

And since I'm not working... I ironed all Edo's shirt, and pants.. I did the washing.. I cleaned up the room.. now I'm inside my blogger... resting.. while waiting for the washing to be done.
Plan for tonight is to go to Warehouse stationary.. and grab stuffs for Edo and ME!! :)

I'm talking Nanny Certificate Course soon btw. Yeah.. everybody ask me.. WHY?? I took hairdressing and make-up when I was 18.. I loved it.. but I don't think I really want to make those as my careers.. I picture myself work in a saloon.. or own my business or something.. and I think I'll get bored. I have a doubt about it. And I thought to myself.. what the fuck am I gonna do for the rest of my life ya know? relying on my husband? NEHH!! working as a hairdresser/make-up artist even though I don't really want to anymore? NEHH!!! And I asked myself again.. what do I want to do? WHAT do I really really want to do?? And seriously.. I HATEEEE those business skills... or computer.. or whatever. I wouldn't mind learning science it interests me, but I can't picture myself working as a scientist or whatever ya call it. And I thought.. what do I like? FOOD.. but I don't want to be a cook. TRAVEL.. but to be go to tourism school it'll take me 3 years.. and really.. I want to have kids NOW!! :P whatelse do I like? and Lyd and Lama came to mind... they were pregnant when I thought it. I LOVEEE CHILDRENNN!!! I really loveee children... I've worked in a pre-school before.. it was for few weeks.. and I really want to go back working in a pre-school.. I want to work with children... so I thought yep.. I'm gonna take this nanny course.. and hopefully.. this is my path... hopefully..

WOW.. 4.55 PM.. I better go.. and hang up my washing.. and then go to Warehouse Stationary :) guys.. put me into yer prayers, ya? And of course I pray for all of my friends too :) For now... CIAOOOOO

SUNDAY... SINGING LESSON!! HOHOHO! :P

2005-04-03T23:18:00.000+12:00

Still sunday.. hohoho.. slept kinda late this morning..

Me n Malv are working on a song to sing for x-mas.. hahahahhhh yeah.. still months away.. but cool.. prepare it from now :)

Hanz: HANNNN MANAAA janji mo ajarin gw taro songs!!! hikz hikz.. jaat niyyy..

It's Sunday?

2005-04-03T05:13:00.000+12:00

Gosh.. it's already sunday? 5.15AM...

I just got back from Tofi's place. Had good talks wif all the boyz tonite, I didn't actually get to spend time with the girlz. My week has gone orite.. nothin special.. AWW.. except I think on wednesday nite we went to auction, I got a new Honda Integra (1991), not cool or anything, Edo bought that for me to go to work/school/whatever. And afta that me n Lyd my good friend spent 4 hours? in Denny's chatttttt chatttttttt chattttttttttttttt.. we ordered chilli fries and 2 cups of tea, and the worker there gave us free mudcake dessert for free coz Lyd use to work there and she knows that person. Gosh.. they're expecting a lil baby boy.. ARGHHH!!! HOW COOL!! On July he'll be born. I'm actually excited too!!! I'm gonna go with Lyd to Natal classes (dunno how to spell that word)..

Other than that.. nothing was special. And what makes it even more gay! I have to work tomorrow. I can't wait till the end of the month. I'm gonna finish my job right on the 3oth April :) Anyway.. ciaooo for now :)

HaIsHhH!! How GaY!!

2005-03-29T12:30:00.000+12:00

ITS TUESDAYYYYY!!!!!!! *PANIC* Daym! I'm back to work!! :(

AGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously don't want to work already lorr.. Soooo bored lorr... Can't stand it already.. *Sing Lish* hahaha..

Seriously................. I need a new place to work at. New Invorenment. This place is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna start my ECE on the 16th May 2005, while I'm there, I'm going to work part time as well... so... I think I'm gonna find another part time job for then.. and then QUIT from my present job.

What else to write huh? Oww... hmmm... nothing leehhh.. gotta wake hubby up *kiss.. if not wake up.. punch..* hohoho.. Call me lazy, HIM! I woke up 10am this morning... HUUUU!!! It's nearly 1pm.. still asleep, HIM!! *sandal on my hand.. feel like slapping his face with it* hahaha.. jahattttttttt amatttttttttttttt siyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

That it.. CIAO

=Holy Saturday=

2005-03-26T15:02:00.000+12:00

Woke up.. then.. did nothing.. SOOO BOREDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I made this: http://m4yrh1nn3.friendtest.com. Go to it guys if you think you know me well :)

Anyway it's holy saturday, I'm going to church tonight @ 7.30PM.

That's all for today... CIAOOOOO :)

=Good Friday=

2005-03-26T00:57:00.000+12:00

Ok.. things are quite settle now... i'm feeling better :) I think i just needed sumtime to adjust meself.. like sis'la said. Edo just came back from Indo after 7 weeks, I expected too much and he didn't understand. We both are stubborn too.. so.. yeah.. now everything's getting better... much better.

Today's journey:
Woke up this morning.. showered.. and I was ready to welcome the day. Good friday, the day when Jesus was crucified. I was trying to do fasting today, but neh.. failed.. everything around me was tempting. Next time when I do it, I won't go anywhere. I'll just stay at home.
I was feeling Him today. Especially when everybody kissed the cross this afternoon. I felt something really deep.. I didn't know what it was though.. strage....
After church, we went to Tante Sofia's house. I played with Ade Nana n Nini, and Ela. I missed hanging out with them. I luv all of the kids.
We had dinner there, Taz n Lyd came. We just talked for awhile, watched movie.. and I just played on the computer, made Ade2 account to go on MSN.. and Frenster. That's all..
and now is 1.10am.. I've been writting since 1am.. so.. after this.. it's bed time.. :)
CIAO!!!

Juga mau mengucapkan: Selamat hari paskah /Happy easter, everybody. Have a good holiday and feel the joy on Easter day :)

All good :)

2005-03-24T12:09:00.000+12:00

Heyyyy EPERIBODYY!! :P

I'm perfectly fine again i think hehehe.. well.. at least today I feel that way :)
I woke up early!!! HOHOHO!! 8.30am, then went to Orewa.. gosh.. good drive in the morning.. made me feel fresh. 1 hour drive in total there n back. That was awesome.

And now I'm at home killing time till 2pm. Then I have to go pick Ade Nana n Ade Nini up. SO COOL!! I miss my lil sistaz so muchhh!!! Once I drop em off, I'm gonna see my other Ade.. si Ella Tralala.. n Daniel. Miss them too.

Ok.. that's it for today... dammit work 5pm :( HUHUHUH... I don't like my job already. Deppresing me.. but I'm going back to do ECE soon yayyyy :) Look after hundreds of children! I can sooo picture myself working with kids!

Ciao for now \/

If I don't love you, I'll say F*** You!

2005-03-22T22:12:00.000+12:00

Big Bubba: "adem ayem" hohoh.. bener bgt hanz, gw lagi bt! :P

Today's nothing but relising that I've got an extra piece of ugly furniture in da house! Unfortunately it talks and moves too. It gets grumpy, gets hungry and ask me to get food.. and.. other annoying little things..
I don't know what the f*ck I'm doing right here, shit. I gotta get out of the house. Why do I stay at home and wait for the "ugly furniture" to move his ugly ass and pay attention to his surrounding. Coz he won't and I won't ask.. why wud I?
But guys... something important to know.. I do fight lots with my "ugly furniture" but we stil luv each other :) *so don't feel like saying that right this second, but it's true*

Enough bitching :D Hehehe.. *feel better*

Yea that's right.. like Hanz said.. this site is sooo quite these days.. that's coz I don't wanna have a blogger full of evil story. HOHOHO.. That's for my real diary to know. This blogger here.. is for other things.. CIAO for now :)

LaZy SuNDaY

2005-03-20T23:15:00.000+12:00

Smakin Jauhhhhhhhhh Kumelangkahhhhhhhh.. Smakin PeriHHHHHh Jejak Langkahkuuuuuuuu...
(hohoho nyanyi :P) Haishhhh.. Itu lagu luama bgt.. tapi bagus cara si pengarang lirik nutur kata2nya.

Ni ari.. bangun siang jam 1.. coz it's sunday. I just did a lil bit of shopping with bro, then did a lil bit of cooking for Edo.. (spaghetti today). Then I had shower and went to St. Mary. I went home, picked up Edo and he went to St. Patrick. I was just walking around Queen St and had some quite moment in Starbucks (downtown), scribbled on paper tried to write or draw something. But nah.. I didn't create anything tonight..

My bro is the one who taught me how to look at everything from the artistic point of view. He's the thinker one. His teenage moment was spent for thinking 1001 facts about Life or Love or.. any smart/artistic things when I was busy getting "high" and out wif my friends; was busy enjoying the "blonde" moment and getting attention; was busy trying to be accepted around the blondes and get sum luvs from the jerks.

I use to pick on bro when we were little, ignore him when we were older, and I had empty brain out of the loneliness. haha.. I was nearly 19 already when I started to get bored with all the stupid things I did, and stayed home a lot more. That was when I had some quality times talking to bro. Talked about heaps of bullshit AND NON-bullshit that actually started to burn my brain that was like candle wax. So thick! haha... now that my brain's starting to think, to work.. I'm more confidence.. and I would 1 day create a master piece :)

Busy Busy Time

2005-03-15T13:01:00.000+13:00

Hey guys..

I might not be able to write for a few days. I just don't find some time to do it.

So.. sorry sooorrryyy.. Be Back Soon!! :)

Time for Myself

2005-03-13T17:15:00.000+13:00

It's 5.15PM now.. I have 30 mins to spear.

Is it just a girl thing or is it just me??
Like you've read before, it's my "moody" moment of the month. And usually when this time has come, I'm very sensitive. I get annoyed easily. Especially when someone ask me about dumb questions. Also I love spending time in my room alone. Watching T.V, or internet. Whatever I feel like doing. It's my room!! I feel people are crowding me outside.. JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!!

I don't mind Edo and Malvin being in the room. Edo is my other half, and Malvin is my bro! I use to sleep in the same bed, bath in the same tub when we were little. I do feel like I'm being by myself anyway when they're around. They blend with the furniture around me LOL!!

I'm SOOOO SOORRRYYYY for other member of "42 whanau".. It's not that I mean to be mean.. I see all of you all as my bros and sis.. but I do need some space sometimes. Actually most of the time. I don't like people being in my room.
Sista Shez n Bro Phlex: I know you understand me, thanks for giving me space for this whole time since you've lived here.. :) *For bro, You don't come to my room when you're here anyway..* I luv you both :P
Bro's (Yanto & Van): I do love you both all the time.. every single second as well, but I do love myself more :P LOL nah.. I mean.. I don't want you both in my room. Sometimes.. maybe once a year LOL, nah... I mean.. once a fortnight is ok.. but PLEASE... don't ask me if you can be in my room.. don't ask me to move things outta my room. If you see my door open, then you're welcome, but if my door is shut then don't knock the door and yeah.. you know what I mean.. :P
Thx to Yanto... He understands me.. He has given me space for few months since I was grumpy the last time ay to? :P THX SO MUCH!!

Anyway.. 5.35PM at the moment.. I better get ready to go... my room's such a mess.. becoz I haven't had time to clean up.. and sis's staffs are in here. She's moving room today. Cool!! Bigger space!!! :) But further away from my room :(

Lazy sunday afternoon... let the room be a mess.. do a big clean up tomolo :D Sounds fun! :P

MooDy!!

2005-03-13T13:52:00.000+13:00

Ok... guest of the month is coming. I feel moody for the past week or so. Errr... Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes angry, sometimes grumpy, sometimes i feel like crying.. feel like i've been pressured. But.. of coz not.

It's 1.30PM.. Edo and I just got up.... *morning Hug* *morning Kiss* and.. yepppp straight away I sit in front of the comp doing this.. and he turned his PS2 on and play Suikoden IV hahaha.. what a sunday afternoon.

Me? I'm just blogging... then going to open gamefaqs. And soon we both have to get ready to go to Church.

Hmm.. I did feel like writting alot. But actually.. I wanna shower and get sumfin to eat... write later...

Bit of Information

2005-03-10T12:52:00.000+13:00

Hmmm.... Try to keep updating this site, but seems hard! Maybe i'm just kinda Dumb :P HOHOHO
This site has been made for over a month, but I couldn't be bothered doing it up. So now that I bother, Please give me a shout out!! Cheers

BTW, today I'm just going to write a bit about my daily activity.
*Monday - Friday :
Afternoon - Wake Up, Gym
Evening - WORK except I go to school on wednesday night. (5 - 9)
Night - This is when my day begin! Shower, Tidy Up, Computer - blogger/chat/browse/watching animes , PS2 - GAMES GAMES)
*Saturday:
WORK WORK WORK all day!!!
Night: Socialising (pool, clubbing - maybe?, momocha) or end up playing GAMES!!
*Sunday:
My day off!! (church, eat out, GAMES, watch ANIME, watch any movie - WHATEVER I feel like doing)

Now.. as u've read my daily activities, u know I'm a game & anime lover!! Not hard out though. I'm playing Suikoden IV at the moment. And anime I'm watching right now is Naruto *Thx to Avi*
Do any of you know what other animes are good?

Life at the moment is going o'rite. I suppose not too hard but not easy at all..
I do the same thangs everyday.. pretty monoton, huh? So boring.. I need something different. My brain is going.. It's like a machine.. trying to produce something!! HAHAHA..

Another Day

2005-03-06T16:50:00.000+13:00

Today is just another day. Woke up.. went out to pay my rent, and get sum food from my hubby. Nothing special. I wonder why everyday is just the same. So boring.. nothing special.

How I feel today's also the same. I wonder if the statement: "Don't judge a book by its cover. Quality is more valuable" really apply to reality. I don't see it that way. I don't judge people but seems like other people do judge me.
I have lots of talents. I can sing, I can dance, I can cook, I can sew (not good but at least I can do some alteration or make little skirt/bag). I'm a make-up artist, also a manager in a restaurant, an interviewer in a market research company. But I'm still missing out something.
Do all girls care about their look? or maybe it's just me? I am confidence, but there is always the imperfection I see of myself. I know people say: "Hey, who said humans are perfect?" But I can't accept the truth.

No matter how much achievement I've had, how talented I am, I always see the weekness points I have in myself. Don't get me wrong. I love myself, I'm just not satisfied. Sometimes this kind of feeling pull me right down. Especially when I have a problem. Even though maybe the problem itself isn't big, I always refer back to myself being not perfect. Blaming myself for what happen.

I could imagine millions of pictures in my head to represent this kind of feeling. But with me not being able to draw, I guess I have to just write it on this blog. But yeah.. that's how I feel for today, another day.

No TiTLe

2005-03-05T18:06:00.000+13:00

How cool.. Edo's back!!! He's my hubby btw.
I went to the airport an hour earlier than his landing time. I didn't take bro or anybody else with me. I wanted to pick him up myself. I sat on the roof waiting for 'Garuda Indonesia' to land. I had that much time to think about what's going to happen when I saw him.

Finally after 55 minutes, I saw it landing. He's home! He's really home!! Went down to get him. I waited behind the crowds. He rang me up to tell me that he was outside already. Gave him a tight hug and a kiss.. I miss it. Really miss that warmth.
We went home got my presents and then we slept. He was tired of jet lag, I was really tired coz I didn't have enough sleep.

I missed him... really missed him.. I'm happy that he's back now. I've got my other wing back. I could fly as a beautiful butterfly again...

Today is just today

2005-03-05T04:33:00.000+13:00

I haven't slept properly lately.. dammit! This is the time I need Edo badly.

I watched Animes' today.. a few of 'em.. and somehow I saw SAILORMOON!! My favorite cartoon back when I was in Junior-High or maybe primary.
And my thoughts flashed back, but I can't remember what I saw.

Few months ago.. I was very very very happy... last month.. I was very very very sad... Today.. I'm ok. I'm sick but I'm ok. And this flash back was kind of reminding me of hopes i lost for myself. I made a poem, I thought it was good but I didn't trust my heart. I did things half half.. coz I thought what I create weren't good enough for everybody.

I'm a wacky person. I love art drawing.. I love mix colours... I love odd stuffs.. but I was alwiz scared of creating a new thing. And that SailorMoon.. made me remember what I use to create on my head.. *my imagination* when I was little...
I alwiz wanted to draw but I thought I couldn't so I gave up on seeing pictures. I wanted to write stories, poems but I thought I just couldn't so I gave up reading books.
And I use to create an idol on my head but I never really showed it to anybody coz I was scared.. so I gave up on cartoons/animes as well..
But because I've changed, lately I've been watching 'em. And that Sailormoon just tickled me! I'm gonna start looking pictures, reading, and watching animes.. for sources of my work. One day I'm gonna have master piece that make people drop their jaw.. :P \/ peace \/

Journey of My LiFe

Excitement... kicks in.... :D

Few more sleeps away...

The new beginning.. *Metamorphosis*

21.07.08

01.05.08

AURELIA ELIZABETH

Aurelia......

Ga Penting AbiS!!!

2 Days of Hard Prayers......

STaRTiNg My LiFe FroM ZeRo...

New beginning.....

Saturday, October 27

Anak jaman skarang yeh

Wednesday, October 24

Tuesday, October 23

Another thing I see...

Appreciate Friendship....

Sad... sad.. drama!

Monday, October 22

Inside I cry For Mercy!!!!

Today's Astrology

~ Astrology ~

~ Beautiful ~

Conclusion!

The bottom of my heart!

Half Done

Today is a crazy day.

Ruang Hampa di hati gue

That little ups and downs!

Flower Of My Heart

~Angel From Above~

~~My Gorgeous Little Princess~~

My Birth Story

Anxiety's kicking in!

~Truly Amazed~.

Thank You!!!

C-Section or Vaginal (Normal) Birth?

99 hari lagi!!

.=Just me=.

Just recent photo...

2007 is hereeeeeee......!!

Baby's room Furniture

Blah? Whatever! :)

Just Some Photos!

Mom's Buzz!

My Brain is like Panic Room

To whom I love forever and ever!!!

Second Month of The Year

SinCia!!!!!!

New Year!!! -=2006=-

More Story....

Time to change...

Indo Story :P

Ini apa ya???

WoW!!! It has been a longgggg time....

The day I can never forget...

Today feels strange

Apa Yah???? :P

Tet Tot Tet Tot

I dunno what I'm gonna write today :P

Back in those dayz....

YaYaNkZzZ BDaYyYyY

VAN'LA BDAY!!!!!

*sigh* NGELUHHH mulu kerjaan gw!

WeDnEsDaY!!!!! I LuV WeDnEsDaY!!

MoNeY.. CoMe To Me PLsSsSss!!

TETANUS??!!???!!!

SUNDAY... SINGING LESSON!! HOHOHO! :P

It's Sunday?

HaIsHhH!! How GaY!!

=Holy Saturday=

=Good Friday=

All good :)

If I don't love you, I'll say F*** You!

LaZy SuNDaY

Busy Busy Time

Time for Myself

MooDy!!

Bit of Information

The new beginning.. Metamorphosis

My Gorgeous Little Princess

sigh NGELUHHH mulu kerjaan gw!